Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 4

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I'm posting twelve more types from Mike Reed's website at http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907
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Jekyll and Hyde

As a forum participant Jekyll and Hyde always plays by the rules and is consistently cordial and helpful - a model netizen, until one day he comes completely uncorked and lashes out without warning. His unanticipated thunderbolts can temporarily rout even the sturdiest Warriors, and it often takes some time for his stunned opponents to mount a counter attack. Jekyll and Hyde's sudden behavioral change may result from a psychotic episode, PMS, a downturn in the market, a surprise visit by the in-laws - or a session of hard drinking..
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Whisper

Whisper maintains a benign demeanor and carefully avoids open conflict. When aroused, however, she will send vigorous attacks to sympathetic forum participants via private e mail in an attempt to sway the tide of battle. A typical Whisper maneuver is to "accidentally" post an ambiguously critical, but ostensibly private message to the discussion forum, e.g., "Dear Mary - see what I mean about this guy?" Or, "John - did you read what Bill said? I rest my case!" When challenged she will protest (disingenuously) that she hit the "reply" key by mistake, that the message was never intended to be read by forum participants, that the message was out of context, etc. Whisper's intent is to gain a tactical advantage by leaving the impression that her side in the conflict is gathering heavy forces just over the horizon, and though transparently obvious to veteran Warriors, this feint can often blunt a successful attack by less experienced fighters.
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Troglodyte

Troglodyte is an aggressive Philistine who categorically disdains all new-age enthusiasms and politics, and has a particular animus against "homos", "tree huggers", " hairy-leg lesbo feminists" and artsy types. His loud brandishings of "common sense" and "reason" are nothing more than conceits to justify his close mindedness. Troglodyte's fierce, but predictable attacks are easily parried by more nimble Warriors. Sometimes, just for fun, Weenie or Issues will taunt him into a towering rage.
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Tireless Rebutter

For Tireless Rebutter there is no such thing as a trivial dispute. He regards all challenges as if the barbarians were battering at the gates. His unflagging tenacity in making his points numbs and eventually wears down the opposition. Confident that his arguments are sound, Tireless Rebutter can't understand why he is universally loathed.
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Xenophobe

Xenophobe is usually a long-term discussion forum participant and he thinks of the forum as his private compound. Xenophobe regards newbies to his forum as mentally deficient and perhaps even having criminal tendencies, and they are invariably approached with suspicion and condescension. If a Newbie has the temerity to make critical observations about the forum's social dynamics, or questions prevailing opinion, Xenophobe will attempt to silence or drive out the newcomer.
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Therapist

Therapist can be a highly annoying and therefore very effective Warrior. Instead of making a frontal attack, Therapist attempts to shift the focus of the conflict to the combatants' psychological motivations and problems. He will freely speculate about other Warriors' insecurities, personalities and relationships, but he will almost never directly engage the subject of the dispute. CAUTION: Evil Clown, Imposter and Troller often masquerade as Therapist.
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Strumpet

Strumpet finds sex talk completely irresistible and constantly forwards excruciatingly unfunny and lurid jokes to the discussion forum. She always manages to sprinkle conversations with references to private parts and will never let pass without comment any mention of the words "eat," "enter," "come," "rub," etc. She disregards the women and flirts with all the men, often bragging that she has a husband or boyfriend that expertly satisfies her putatively voracious sexual appetite, but forum members....er, participants...quickly conclude no husband or boyfriend exists. Should any Warrior challenge her directly Strumpet will disparage her attacker's sexual orientation and/or penis size. CAUTION: Strumpet may be a man.
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Sycophant

Sycophant differs from Me-Too in that he is much more concerned with sucking up than he is with actually doing battle. Of course, he WILL engage in some light combat to impress Big Dog and other stronger Warriors, but he never exposes himself to unnecessary danger. Although combatants sometimes employ Sycophant to buttress an attack, his constantly shifting loyalties make him a weak and unreliable ally.
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Rottweiler Puppy

Rottweiler Puppy is clumsy, marginally articulate, unsteady in his often playful attacks, but anyone who cares to notice will see that one day he will be a fierce and powerful Big Dog. HINT: By showing some patience and kindness to Rottweiler Puppy in his formative stages prudent Warriors may gain a steadfast and formidable ally.
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Royals

Whether through virtue, contribution, force of personality or sheer longevity certain forum participants will rise to form an aristocracy. While it is generally taboo to openly acknowledge the class distinctions, the hierarchy is well understood by all. While for the most part the Royals rule with magnanimity, they will not tolerate impertinence from the hoi polloi. It is their habit to remain aloof from petty squabbles among their subjects, but when full-scale war breaks out their intervention can be decisive.
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Rat

Rat prefers to attack with private messages rather than out in the open. CAUTION: If a Warrior starts to get the better of the fight he will suddenly post out of context excerpts of his opponent's messages to the list. When taken to task for betraying private correspondence he will insist that he did it because he was being harassed or that his adversary poses a threat to other, more vulnerable Warriors, such as Innocence Abused.
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Propeller Head

Propeller Head knows just about everything there is to know about computers and the internet, and is indignant that you don't. Often an inarticulate and clumsy fighter he is still much to be feared because with a few deft keystrokes he can reduce your computer to a smoking heap of ruined metal - or at least he SAYS he can...
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Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 3

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I agree with Ham Hayes' recent posting regarding Public Discourse, and particularly comments signed as 'anonymous' or some other pseudonym.
While it's easy to see why some folks prefer to remain cloaked in such forums, doing so still amounts to a cowardly act.
No one can vote without a name identity, not can you legally drive a car.
A lot of things that require proper identification for reasons our society has considered appropriate.
There is a time and place for secrecy, but civil public discourse needs to be honored, and anonymity has limited value in it.

I believe it is incumbent upon the various forums to moderate comments, and to eliminate -or severely limit- those submitted anonymously.
That is particularly true of mass media, like newspapers, radio and TV.
As far as blogs and websites go, I also prefer to know who is behind them, too.
You never know these days, do you?
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I'm again repeating the brief intro from this website:http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907
Just skip it if you've already read it. Eleven more types are presented here

"If there was some way to win a Pulitzer Prize for online work, specifically sociology-satire-commentary-art, then illustrator extraordinaire Mike Reed and his Flame Warriors should win hands-down. In my opinion it is one of the finest pieces of journo-sociology ever posted on the Internet or published anywhere for that matter. I do not make this claim lightly. Reed has managed to accurately stereotype pretty much all of the participants in online discussion forums so well that it’s an eye-opener to read this material. I have probably been writing and participating in the online world as much as anyone since I began going online around 1979 with BBS systems and wrote some of the first online only commercial columns. This work by Reed is a definitive breakdown of it all! It is sheer genius. Each of the characters is aptly named: Bliss Ninny, Weenie, Artful Doger, Blowhard, and Evil Clown are a few examples.

Even the discussions on this site — which try to find variants of the main Flame Warrior archetypes — is also outstanding.

Anyone who ever posts a comment or gets involved in online debate should read through the 99 archetypes and see where you fit in. (YOU are in there!) I have excerpted a couple of my favorites below.
The rest are here. [http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907]"
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Stealth

Stealth prefers to go into battle disguised or heavily camouflaged, often using pseudonyms, anonymous mail servers and multiple e mail addresses. Operating from a position of anonymity he can launch vicious attacks with little fear of reprisals. Because of his cowardice Stealth is often dismissed by other Warriors as an unworthy adversary.
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Garble

Garble is a mystery: Is he a foreigner with only tenuous grasp of English? Is his brain addled by some powerful drug? Does he suffer a serious mental debility? Is he typing wearing a catcher's mit? Garble's rampant typos, malapropisms and seemingly aggressive use of execrable grammar can't be explained merely in terms of poor typing skills or the lack of a spell checker. Even non-English speakers generally do a better job of punctuation grammar and capitalization, and Garble is all the more puzzling because if one goes to the trouble of wading through the muddle of his messages a discernable idea will usually emerge. For example, in a forum discussion about a painting he might say, "Sorry the picchr the har is wrog. The culir. I liike the lips bot teh Paintng is sucs". When attacked for his random capitalization Garble might respond, "oPS i HITTED THE CAPDLOCK". Not surprisingly, he drives Grammarian and Nitpick absolutely nuts, but he is utterly impervious to any sort of correction and if their attacks persist he will sign off in a huff with something like, "yuor forum si stupef. bYE!" CAUTION: Garble may be Net Rat.
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L'Enfant Provocateur

L'Enfant Provocateur likes to stir up trouble because...because, well...just because. This species of Flame Warrior is almost always young and male - it could be just a hormone thing.
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Furious Typer

Furious Typer's combat strategy is to drown her adversary with a tsunami of angry verbiage. She is absolutely immune to subtlty and ignores all but the barest essentials of any argument. After briefly appraising the gist of her opponent's counter attack she puts her head down and rapidly fires off long rambling messages replete with grammatical and factual errors. The typical Furious Typer lacks endurance, however, and if the other combatants can weather the initial assault she will quickly exhaust herself and retire from the field.
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Cyber Sisters

Cyber Sisters are an extremely fierce confederation of fighting females who act something like a shrill Greek chorus, echoing and amplifying one another's voice until their foes retreat in disarray. They are generally leaderless, but anyone who challenges one Cyber Sister can expect to be savagely attacked by the others. Only the most powerful and battle-hardened of Warriors is strong enough to weather a Cyber Sisters attack
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Toxic Granny

Warriors often underestimate Toxic Granny's fighting abilities. She can be very aggressive, and because of the deference paid to the elderly, not only does Toxic Granny easily attract allies to aid in her defense, but her foes are reluctant to employ their strongest weapons against her. Prudent Warriors avoid confrontations with Toxic Granny because there is no glory in victory and defeat at her hands is ignominious.
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Weenie

Weenie is a very sensitive guy, and it angers him that everyone isn't as sensitive as he. A soi-disant male feminist, he not only cares deeply about women's issues, he's concerned about poverty, people of color, gay rights and sea turtles. Weenie strives to be politically correct at all times and is ever vigilant against anti progressive attitudes. Weenie is always solicitous towards the oppressed classes, but will lash out viciously at retrograde brutes such as Deacon and Troglodyte.
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Tiny Yapper

Ill tempered and aggressive, Tiny Yapper is always right out at the end of his leash and barks furiously at the slightest provocation. Though his constant high pitched yips can be very annoying, his diminutive stature and limited strength pose no real threat to other Warriors.
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Innocence Abused

Innocence Abused guards her purity jealously and cannot countenance crude language and gets the vapors over frank references to intimate bodily functions. This digital ingenue is a very weak Warrior, and is a favorite target of L'Enfant Provocateur, Jerk, Troller and Evil Clown, but Innocence Abused can always count on other Warriors, such as Cyber Sisters, Weenie and Toxic Granny, to come to her defence.
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Net Rat

Not every kid on the internet is an Enfant Provocateur; sometimes they're just Net Rat. Net Rat spends countless hours in front of the computer and loves to play at being a grownup. Imagine your chagrin if in a love and romance forum you've been pouring out your anguish over a recent messy breakup with your boyfriend, or you have finally mustered the courage to talk about some particularly lurid desires that have been throbbing in your libido, or perhaps you thought you found a romantic soulmate on the internet only to discover that your hot cyber lover turns out to be in junior high. Even worse, in a serious discussion forum you may think you have succesfully faked a convincing understanding of Spinoza and later discover that the only person you have really managed to fool is still reading Harry Potter. Well, don't feel too bad about it - some Net Rats can very convincing, but they will almost always slip and give themselves away at some point. WARNING: Perv will sometimes pretend to be Net Rat.
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Ennui

Ennui only rouses himself from his torpor to cajole other Warriors to be more interesting - without, of course, ever contributing anything of interest himself. Ennui has limited weaponry at his disposal, but his majestic affectation of boredom provides an effective defense to attacks. When pressed in battle he will announce his intention of moving on to a more stimulating forum, but instead he will generally lurk quietly until the threat passes.
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Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 2

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I'm repeating the brief intro from this website:http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907
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If there was some way to win a Pulitzer Prize for online work, specifically sociology-satire-commentary-art, then illustrator extraordinaire Mike Reed and his Flame Warriors should win hands-down. In my opinion it is one of the finest pieces of journo-sociology ever posted on the Internet or published anywhere for that matter. I do not make this claim lightly. Reed has managed to accurately stereotype pretty much all of the participants in online discussion forums so well that it’s an eye-opener to read this material. I have probably been writing and participating in the online world as much as anyone since I began going online around 1979 with BBS systems and wrote some of the first online only commercial columns. This work by Reed is a definitive breakdown of it all! It is sheer genius. Each of the characters is aptly named: Bliss Ninny, Weenie, Artful Doger, Blowhard, and Evil Clown are a few examples.

Even the discussions on this site — which try to find variants of the main Flame Warrior archetypes — is also outstanding.

Anyone who ever posts a comment or gets involved in online debate should read through the 99 archetypes and see where you fit in. (YOU are in there!) I have excerpted a couple of my favorites below.
The rest are here. [http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907]
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Swarm

A Swarm hive is almost impossible to detect. When a hapless victim stumbles on a forum that houses a Swarm and disturbs it with a message that runs counter to its prevailing ideology, the Swarm will erupt without warning. Taken one at a time the irrelevant, often mindless attacks by individuals in a Swarm can be crushed or easily brushed aside, but because of the sheer volume of the assault even the strongest Warriors must yield. WARNING: Only those who are highly skilled in Swarm management techniques should attempt to wade into a Swarm hive. Protective clothing will not prevent a Warrior from getting a few stings.
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Duelists

In a perpetual closed-loop feud, the Duelists generally don't menace anyone but each other, unless, of course, another Warrior foolishly attempts to mediate. Like the Hatfields and McCoys, they probably don't even remember the source of their mutual animus, nonetheless they enthusiastically loathe one another and seize every opportunity to exchange vitriol. When the other Warriors eventually weary of their endless kvetching the Duelists will be shouted down or Nanny will ban them. Even after getting the heave-ho from one forum, however, it is not unusual for them to find each other in another discussion group and the fighting will begin anew. Hate is sometimes as mysterious as love...
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Bong

Does the writer seems to babble on and on? Does he lurch from one non sequitur to another? Are you baffled by his obscure metaphors? Are there so many typos you think that maybe he was typing while wearing a catcher's mit? Can he really MEAN what he just said? What in the hell is this guy talking about, anyway? Is this guy smoking something? Well, yes...in fact he is, and placidly tethered in high orbit Bong remains far beyond the reach of the even the most powerful Warriors' weaponry
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Acne

Acne constantly whines about how, like, life the universe and everything really sucks and stuff. Usually a middle class teenager with an allowance, unlimited access to a computer and WAY too much time on his hands. Acne's vague existential arguments about the meaningless of life and emptiness of existence are culled from the lyrics of the 20 gigs of MP3s he has squirreled away on his hard drive. It's useless to talk to Acne because there's no point, is there?
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Rebel Leader

Rebel Leader has an uncanny ability to upset the settled order of a discussion forum. Other Warriors may be excellent in mano a mano combat, but Rebel Leader's charisma, political instincts and verbal skills enable him to rally a collective assult that can overthrow the Royals and even silence Cyber Sisters. Depending on the issue Rebel Leader uses to advance his attack he may draw allies from almost any of the other Warrior classes, but he can usually count on Loopy in the early stages of the conflict and Sycophant once the revolution is well underway. Once the revolution has succeeded, however, Rebel Leader quickly loses interest in the cause. As is the case with false Kung-Fu Masters, the bones of soi-disant Rebel Leaders litter the battlefields.
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Klaxon

WARNING!!! YOU MUST READ THIS!!! Klaxon, the internet Chicken Little, raises the alarm for each and every paranoid conspiracy theory, Federal Big-Brother scheme, internet hoax, and latest computer virus. No black helicopter alert is so ludicrous, no urban legend so implausible, that he will not pass it along as accepted fact (in ALL CAPS with multiple exclamation marks). Congratulations, you are recipient 16,747 of today's Urban Myth. CAUTION: Often Klaxon knowingly posts false alarms to foment mischief.
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Rebel Without a Clue

Rebel Without a Clue's deep seated and infantile hostility to authority motivates his random and seemingly gratuitous attacks on list owners, SysOps and anyone else who attempts to maintain a modicum of order and civility in discussion forums. Differing markedly from Rebel Leader, he is unattached to any cause other than petulance for its own sake, and will therefore seldom inspire general insurrection. In his frequent and ineffectual attacks on the established order he will often cite the Bible, or the US Constitution to support incoherent arguments. Rebel Without a Clue NEVER reads forum FAQs, and loudly decries as fascism any enforcement whatsoever of forum rules
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God

In the beginning, before bandwidth, there was nothingness. Out of that endless void God and His heavenly host created...Arpanet, and it was good. But the scientific, military and computer angels Who dwelled in Arpanet were lonely, so They brought forth Browser, and the Web was born. It, too, was good and the children of the internet lived in peace and harmony and were fruitful and multiplied, but God warned His people not to eat of the forbidden fruit of commercialism. Alas, they disobeyed and soon barbarians drove the children of the internet out of Paradise. God, in His wrath, turned away from His people and condemned them to wander in the digital wilderness, but from time to time He will suddenly appear in mailing lists, chat rooms and discussion forums to remind us sinners that we could be saved if only we would hearken unto Him
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Yuk Yuk

Apparently there is no joke too lame, too lurid or too inappropriate for Yuk Yuk, and he's absolutely determined to share with you every gobbet of stale drollery, every tired urban legend and every goofy web site on the internet. Yuk Yuk seldom contributes to any discussion, preferring instead to forward witticisms and bon mots culled from his voluminous archive. Of course, should other Warriors object to his off topic inanities they are accused of lacking a sense of humor.
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Stone Deaf

Stone Deaf is one of the few truly invincible Warriors because nothing can shatter his impenetrable armor of non recognition. His primitive battle strategy is maddening effective; he simply refuses to acknowledge any arguments he doesn't like. Kung-Fu Master can hammer away with devastating blows, Cyber Sisters can screech in full throat and Profundus Maximus can expound until he drops, but Stone Deaf remains utterly oblivious as he advances his dogged and often repetitious attacks. In the early stages of battle a wide array of Warriors will fling themselves at Stone Deaf, but inevitably they fall back exahusted or lose interest when they see that their best weapons have no effect. His only real enemy is Admin, who has the power to eject him from the discussion forum.
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Admin

Admin is the janitor, the cop, the mayor, the judge and sometimes even the forum doctor who tends to Warriors injured in battle - in other words, Nanny on steroids. Because he runs the forum and sets the rules Admin has the power to pull the plug on any Warrior who gets a little too frisky. Sometimes his efforts are appreciated, but like any authority figure he is also resented - especially by Jerk, Evil Clown, L'Enfant Provocateur, Ego, Rebel Without a Clue, Yuk Yuk, Troller, and other Warriors who would like to turn the forum into their personal playground. Most Admins are generally fair and even handed, but the adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely is as true on the internet as it is anywhere else, and it is a rare Admin who can resist bringing the hammer down if seriously pressed by a determined foe. Sycophant and other suckups will also attach themselves to a strong Admin to form a defensive perimeter around him, and more often than not Admin's enemies will be driven off without him ever having to brandish his axe. CAUTION: Admin is the most powerful of all Warriors and drawing him into direct battle invites almost certain defeat. Rebel Leader does pose a limited threat to Admin's power by fomenting a revolt and causing forum members to jump ship.
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Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 1

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Yesterday's blog began this discussion. Here's another installment.
See if any of these types remind you of anyone.

Here's a brief intro from this website:http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907
---------------------
If there was some way to win a Pulitzer Prize for online work, specifically sociology-satire-commentary-art, then illustrator extraordinaire Mike Reed and his Flame Warriors should win hands-down. In my opinion it is one of the finest pieces of journo-sociology ever posted on the Internet or published anywhere for that matter. I do not make this claim lightly. Reed has managed to accurately stereotype pretty much all of the participants in online discussion forums so well that it’s an eye-opener to read this material. I have probably been writing and participating in the online world as much as anyone since I began going online around 1979 with BBS systems and wrote some of the first online only commercial columns. This work by Reed is a definitive breakdown of it all! It is sheer genius. Each of the characters is aptly named: Bliss Ninny, Weenie, Artful Doger, Blowhard, and Evil Clown are a few examples.

Even the discussions on this site — which try to find variants of the main Flame Warrior archetypes — is also outstanding.

Anyone who ever posts a comment or gets involved in online debate should read through the 99 archetypes and see where you fit in. (YOU are in there!) I have excerpted a couple of my favorites below.
The rest are here. [http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907]
-----------------------


Android

Android doesn't anger, nor does he engage in actual combat, rather he will merely point out the logical inconsistencies of other Warriors. Irony and sarcasm are completely lost on Android, and being impossible to insult or injure in any way, he is invulnerable to conventional attack. If, for example, someone were to call him a pinhead, he would get out a tape measure and after finding that his cranium falls within normal size specifications Android would dismiss the comment as erroneous. Android's circuits are not equipped to process ambiguous or aesthetic input, consequently any extensive discussion involving personal feelings, intuition, art and metaphorical allusions will quickly drive Android from the field of battle.
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Big dog and Mee-too

Big Dog is a bully who doesn’t hesitate to use his superior strength to intimidate other combatants. Big Dog may be smart, articulate or just plain mean, but in any case he is a remorseless fighter, brutally ripping into even the weakest of combatants. Once Big Dog securely fastens his powerful jaws on a hapless victim, Me-Too will join the attack. Me-Too is far too weak and insecure to engage in single combat, and must ally himself with Big Dog or a pack of other Warriors to bring down his quarry.
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Bliss Ninny

Bliss Ninny doesn’t understand why people just can’t get along. While it is entirely unintentional, Bliss Ninny’s utterly vacuous comments can drive the more pugnacious Warriors into a frenzy of aggression. Often in the heat of battle Bliss Ninny will discuss her cat.
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Blowhard

Blowhard feels the need to present his credentials before entering the fray - even if they are irrelevant to the discussion. For example, in a movie forum conflict he might attempt to settle the matter by saying, “As a Ph. D. candidate in particle physics I believe I can say with some authority that the ‘Beavis and Butthead’ movie represents the emergence of a new cultural paradigm.” Huh?
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Eagle Scout

Eagle Scout is a positive, constructive Warrior who endeavors to submit original articles which contain useful content and relevant information with supporting citations and links, thus initiating meaningful discussion threads. Eagle Scout regards the internet as an uplifting, egalitarian, worldwide arena for the exchange of ideas among intelligent, thinking individuals. He does not openly attack, but will (ever tactfully) chastise disruptive comments, gratuitous insults and cretinous insipidity. He is always kind and helpful to Newbie, and will shrug off even the most egregious insults. Eagle Scout is loathed with a poisonous intensity by Evil Clown, Jerk, L'Enfant Provocateur and Ego. CAUTION: Sometimes Imposter, Evil Clown or Troller will masquerade as Eagle Scout. There have also been reports of Eagle Scout becoming Jekyl and Hyde.
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Ferrous Cranus

Ferrous Cranus is utterly impervious to reason, persuasion and new ideas, and when engaged in battle he will not yield an inch in his position regardless of its hopelessness. Though his thrusts are decisively repulsed, his arguments crushed in every detail and his defenses demolished beyond repair he will remount the same attack again and again with only the slightest variation in tactics. Sometimes out of pure frustration Philosopher will try to explain to him the failed logistics of his situation, or Therapist will attempt to penetrate the psychological origins of his obduracy, but, ever unfathomable, Ferrous Cranus cannot be moved.
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Grenade

Grenade isn't actually a Warrior, per se, but he is an ordnance so widely employed by combatants that no Flame Warriors guide would be complete without mentioning him. When lobbed into a discussion forum Grenade instantly reduces any semblance of reasonable discourse to smoking rubble and sets in motion the forces of war. Grenade can be loaded with different explosives depending on the forum, but some common detonating materials are Clinton, gun control, homosexuality, Reagan, abortion, taxes, conspiracy theory, the NEA, welfare reform, etc. When beleaguered and facing certain defeat a Warrior can deflect even the most determined attack by triggering a diversionary explosion. Grenade is a particularly destructive weapon when wielded by Evil Clown, Issues, Troglodyte and even Weenie, but almost any Warrior can use it to gain a temporary strategic advantage. Grenade is the preferred weapon of Troller and L'Enfant Provocateur. Eagle Scout has been known to throw himself upon Grenade to save the forum.
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Jerk

Jerk is sarcastic, mean, unforgiving and never misses an opportunity to make a cutting remark. Jerk’s repulsive personality quickly alienates other Warriors, and after some initial skirmishing he is usually ostracized. Still, Jerk is very happy to participate in electronic forums because in cyberspace he is free to be himself…without the risk of getting a real-time punch in the mouth
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Picador

Picador does not personally do battle with any Warrior. Rather, like his bull fighting counterpart, he uses well placed barbs to goad his adversary into charging. While skillfully avoiding the appearance of being the provocateur, he carefully guides his enraged target towards certain injury or defeat at the hands of a stronger Warrior. Once the fight has been set in motion Picador will retire to a discrete distance, always ready prod his lance into sensitive areas should the action begin to flag. HINT: Alert Warriors can readily spot Picador because, though he seldom takes a stand on controversial issues, he always seems to be near the fray.
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Godzilla

It was a peaceful and productive forum; lively, congenial and a bounteous source of useful information. Then one day, completely without warning, Godzilla arose from the depths and blew his scalding breath on everything in his path. A phalanx of Warriors mobilized to attack the monster, only to be crushed like so many toy tanks under Godzilla's mighty feet. Godzilla soon reduced the forum to searing and consuming flames. Just as abruptly, he rumbled back beneath the waves, leaving all to tremble in fear of his return. Net life would never be the same. Sadly, many netizens who survive a Godzilla attack will become Xenophobes.
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Target

Target is the guy everyone in a forum loves to hate. To some degree he brings this upon himself. For example, he may be a known cheater in a game forum, a conservative among liberals, a Windows guy among Mac enthusiasts, or even a man in a women's forum. Why Target places himself in such dicey situations is anyone's guess, but he seems genuinely oblivious to his precarious position. When Target inevitably runs afoul of a forum's prevailing attitudes the other Warriors unleash their collective fury upon him. His usual reaction is "Hey, what did I do?" or "Why do you all hate me?" Target usually gets the hint after a while and moves on. NOTE: Target often serves as a useful pressure valve for the forum's pent up hostilities. Therefore, if the current Target has been driven off or immobilized a new target will be quickly selected. CAUTION: Target is a favorite disguise of Troller and Evil Clown.
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La Dolce Vita... e Il Dolce Far Niente

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La Dolce Vita: Italian for "The Sweet Life"
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Il Dolce Far Niente: Italian for "the sweetness of doing nothing"
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In rediscovering both of the above phrases, I've spent some time being entertained by the Internet.

Here is a URL that readers will surely enjoy:

http://dearauntnettie.com
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In particular, this site has a large collection of 'Depressionist Art' that is hilarious!
[Example below]

http://dearauntnettie.com/museum/museum-dubya-makeover.htm





"Portrait of George W. Bush: The Global Makeover"
Jerry van Eyk

President Bush insisted that the painting of his official portrait, which would join all the others in Washington's National Portrait Gallery, fully reflect his role as a world leader. He felt that the turban was a necessity in this day and age, and he thought that the yellow facial tinting would make him more approachable to the Eastern hemisphere.

The painter van Eyk was the first Depressionist artist to be given the honor of painting the Presidential portrait, and he made it appropriately dark and somber. The "turban" is actually an old Soviet Union flag, a gift from the President's new best buddy, Vladimir Putin. 

This portrait led to other Capitol Hill work for van Eyk, most notably "Rugless: the True Trent Lott," and "Senator Strom Thurmond as an Advocate Centerfold."
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And, another:

"Portrait, Partially Undraped Rodent" (highly magnified)
Georges Sureart

Sureart's technique, which came to be known as Pointlessism, involved the use of itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy little dots of paint applied with the aid of an electron microscope. Like so many of the great French Depressionists, he found few imitators. What other painter had the patience to work for 17 years on an individual painting such as the one displayed, especially when the completed work measures less than one square centimetre?


(actual size)



This is Sureart's last composition. He went completely blind near its completion and most critics believe the final dots were added by his poodle, Mitzi. The identity of the rodent is not known. From his journals we know that Sureart had difficulty finding models who could hold the same pose for over a decade, which is why he preferred cadavers.

In his later years, blind and dejected, Sureart turned to musical composition as a creative outlet, producing the "Inaudible" quintet for muffled harpsichord, and the opera "The Rest is Silence," a retelling of the Hamlet tale, which was performed only once, in 1951, by the City of Paris Deaf-Mute Conservatory.
===================

But, this 'dearauntnettie' site has several other funny links to check out, too, like this one that lists a number of 'Flame Warrior' types.

http://redwing.hutman.net/%7Emreed/index.htm



93 Flame Warrior Types: [each with a clever description]

Godfather
Big Cat
Eagle Scout
Ent
Kung-Fu Master
Newbie
Patois
God
Philosopher
Innocent Abused
Royals
The Swarm
Coffee Klatch
Evil Clown
Nanny
Admin
Peacemaker
Atheist
Godzilla
Grenade
Weenie
Jekyll and Hyde
Lonely Guy
Android
Garble
Palooka
Imposter
Perv
Tiny Yapper
Pithy Phrase
Rottweiler Puppy
Yuk Yuk
Archivist
Target
Troglodyte
Artiste
Centurion
Toxic Granny
Fanboy
Loopy
ALL CAPS
Ferrous Cranus
Lamer
Net Rat
Ethnix
Bong
Troller
Big Dog and Me-too
Deacon
Xenophobe
Furious Typer
Grunter
Nitpick
Agent
Bliss Ninny
Diplomat
Stealth
Artful Dodger
Fragile Femme
Necromancer
Rebel Leader
Whisper
Rat
Picador
Pinko
Capitalista
Crybaby
Cyber Sisters
Grammarian
Howlers
Issues
Lurker
Netiquette Nazi
Propeller Head
Strumpet
Therapist
Compost
Stone Deaf
Profundus Maximus
Typhoid Mary
Acne
Filibuster
Idealogue
L'Enfant Provocateur
Ego
Klaxon
Sycophant
Blowhard
Duelists
Ennui
Jerk
Rebel Without a Clue
Tireless Rebutter
----------------------
Finally, a piece of advice for potential candidates from 'Aunt Nettie':

2-23-2002

Dear Aunt Nettie: 

In a recent column, you mentioned that you "should run for office." In my experience, it is a rare occasion where someone with true wisdom will devote themselves to public service. These days, it seems that the elected politicians are either bright, but in it for personal gain, or dim but sincere.... Why don't the truly brilliant sacrifice some personal wealth to serve the electorate?

-- Elective in Elmira
------------------------
Dear Elective:

Well, it seems to me you've answered your own question. The smart people are in it so they can abuse the system for their own ends and the rest are deluded into thinking they can make a difference. Once the latter learn better, they become the former and run for re-election.

Anyone considering running for office should be presented with a single copy of the Federal Register and a copy of the Congressional Record. After perusing the contents they will have one of two opinions: (a) "Whoa! I can make this work for me!" or, (b) "This is the most insufferable pile of claptrap I have ever laid eyes on!" 

Those of the former opinion should hire a campaign manager. Those of the latter opinion should join a commune.
------------------------

Growth Management: Deer Creek Water Association

===============================
Back in late 2004, the City was asked to agree to allow its water main to be placed under the Guide Meridian, north of town, at the time that the Washington State DOT widens and improves that busy State Road.

That request touched off a debate on the subject, which related to future growth in the vicinity and the City's agreement with the Deer Creek Water Association regarding extension of utilities outside City Limits.

After extended discussion, sufficient facts did emerge to satisfy most of the concerns expressed by Council members, myself included.

But the debate raised some interesting information to scrutiny that wasn't widely known at the time -at least by the Council.

I believe the Council did make the right decision in this case, which was to approve the request.

But, there are those who continue to disagree with the decision Council finally made -to accede to WSDOT's request- it may be interesting to revisit some of the arguments and facts once again.

Also, since similar requests may occur in the future, the current Council may wish to know more about this subject.
===============================

Staff Identified the 'Pros and Cons' of Action on Deer Creek Water Line Acquisition and Funding Agreements as follows:
------------------------
Approve Agreement/Funding
-------------------------
Pros

1. Provides infrastructure in an area that is a likely candidate for growth to satisfy GMA requirements to accommodate projected population

2. Recovers from the State over $900,000 in costs that would otherwise be paid only by local rate payers.

3. Is the least costly approach to providing water service in this area

4. Increases the City's ability to influence how development occurs in this area

5. Takes some pressure off other neighborhoods to accept infill

6. Increases the certainty of costs for providing water service in this area and minimizes those costs

7. Provides coordination to overlapping service areas

8. Provides better emergency redundancy to H2O system
---------------------------------
Cons

1. Inconsistent with City policy of not providing services outside the City limits

2. Extends services to an area that has not been designated by the County as an UGA

3. Facilitates more intensive development in this area, which some people would find objectionable

4. Accelerates increases in the size and costs of police & fire service areas

5. Would impose additional costs on current rate payers for capacity they don't need

6. Increases pressure on Council to approve more service connections in this area

-----------------------
Reject Agreement/Funding
-------------------------

Pros

1. Provides time to consider this issue in more detail-including coordinating consideration by the County of the City's UGA

2. Slows the pace and intensity of growth in this area

3. Allows exploration of developer financing of water line extension to area
-------------------------

Cons

1. Precludes constructing a City water line on Guide Meridian in future

2. If a City water line is constructed in the area in the future, it would be significantly more expensive because it would require, among other things, acquiring easements on private property

3. May promote low-density sprawl in this area because people can continue to install private wells and septic systems

4. Precludes opportunity to master plan this area

5. Makes it more difficult to locate projected growth (31,6000 people; 15,000 DUs; 1,200 DUs in this area-If not here, then where?

6. Requires amending the City's established service and 5-year review areas
===============================

One fact that wasn't well understood was that years ago, the entire County was divided up into sectors for the purpose of determining which entities would have the responsibility for providing water to them.

This was included in a document referred to as the 'County Water Plan', or some similar title.

The part of western Whatcom County assigned to Bellingham basically extended north to Smith Road, which probably is still the City's planned service area at some time in the future.

Another fact was that the owners of the CAITAC property anticipated eventually receiving water service from Bellingham, by a an agreement signed in 1993.

But, finding out about these plans did take some doing, including asking the battery of layered question sets listed below.

By having to ask successive questions that were not obvious, this exercise took on the character of peeling an onion, or so it seemed at the time.
---------------------------

Here are several categories of information that either bear on this issue or are impacted by it.
Of these, the simplest category is that body of facts that apply to the current Deer Creek proposal.

A. Deer Creek Facts

1. How many new Dwelling Units [DUs] can be supported by a 10" waterline? A 16" waterline?

2. What surrounding Utility Service Zone Area [USZ] is anticipated to be served by new COB waterline?

3. What is the potential for population and water demand for this USZ?

4. How much of this USZ is within current City Limits?

5. How much of this USZ is within current City UGA Limits?

6. How much of this USZ is within current 5-Year Review Area Limits?

7. What maximum volume of water to Deer Creek will Interlocal allow? Available?

8. What wholesale rates will apply to water supplied to Deer Creek? Adequate?

9. What is actual deadline for WSDOT EIS to be completed?

10. The presentations by Public Works seemed to be more concerned with quick approval of the action requested than with Council being sufficiently informed about the context surrounding it. This, coupled with slowness in providing additional information, led to the feeling that Council was not really being given a choice. The lack of 'big picture' implications was particularly troubling. Council deserved better explanations, up-front.
---------------------------

B. Annexation - Questions & Concerns

1. How does Administration/PW understanding of current Council policy align with this proposal?

2. Why is accepting a new bulk water customer, whose service area straddles City Limits and UGA limits considered acceptable under current policy?

3. Since City policy has been unique in Whatcom County by allowing extension of utilities without annexation, does the Administration advocate a continuance of these practices, despite current policy to the contrary?

4. Does PW recognize past annexation policy has served to create current UGA problems?

5. Does PW's reliance on water & sewer premiums charged outside City Limits constitute an additional barrier to annexation?

6. Would PW be willing to consider raising water & sewer premiums in UGA as a means of more simply encouraging annexation via economics?
---------------------------

C. Interlocal Agreements - Questions & Concerns

1. Generally, is Council approval required to initiate negotiations on an Interlocal Agreement?

2. Is Council approval required to approve any Interlocal Agreement?

3. If an Interlocal was initiated and approved by earlier Councils, what mechanism exists to inform current and future Councils of these Interlocals?

4. If an Interlocal requires renewal, adjustment or termination, is Council consulted?

5. Is there a list -by Department or otherwise- of all outstanding Interlocals?

6. Would the Administration consider periodic reports on the status, ongoing need for, and impacts of Interlocals on current Council considerations?
[Note, this might be similar to Legal and Hearing Examiner periodic reports]

7. Might the City benefit from reviewing, changing or terminating Interlocals periodically?

8. Which, if any, Interlocals are considered overly restrictive or counter-productive to current City policy by PW? e.g. WD10?

9. Which existing Interlocals straddle City Limits? UGA limits? USZ limits?
---------------------------

D. Utility Service Zones - Questions & Concerns

1. In general, how do these set or influence City policy?

2. Does current City policy take precedence over USZs?

3. What % of existing USZs in UGA have already been served? 42%? What impact does Deer Creek have on this calculation?

4. Is this information routinely shared with Planning and Council in GIS overlay format as guidelines to inform decisions?

5. What changes, if any, are anticipated in the Comp Plan update?

6. If USZs are completely built out, what is impact on City's water and sewer capacity?

7. If services are extended outside City limits, who pays? Are SDC rates adequate?
---------------------------

E. Responsibility for Informing Council - Questions & Concerns

1. Council relies mainly on Administration staff for timely & adequate information. Are there any minimum guidelines, checklists or protocols for insuring this happens regularly?

2. Staff reports to the Administration, and Council relies on staff as the primary source for factual information in its decision-making. When additional information is needed, or conflicting information is heard, what options does Council have to satisfy its need for balance?

3. Recognizing the respective roles of Council, Mayor and staff, the opportunity always exists to influence policy decisions. Excessive use of executive confidentiality can undermine the atmosphere of trust necessary for public credibility and a good working relationship with Council. This is difficult to gain, but easy to lose. Presenting just the facts first, then discussing their context would be a helpful policy to follow.

4. Timing of information coming to Council for deliberation is a common problem. Additional time for Council consideration should not be considered a negative, but opportunity to better inform Council and the public. There are limits to efficiency and expediency in a democracy!
---------------------------

F. Comprehensive Plan Update - Questions & Concerns

1. PW knows Comp Plan Update is underway and that Deer Creek decision will have a significant impact. Decision required was out of sequence with an orderly process.

2. Delays in the Comp Plan Update may have squeezed PW to push a Deer Creek decision early.

3. Whatcom County has its own agenda regarding the Comp Plan Update and may not agree with some ideas and policies the City advocates.

4. All of above may have contributed to PW's perceived defensive attitude and "take or leave it" stance, plus its reluctance to volunteer more information earlier. Additionally, PW has already clashed with Council over utility extension policy and may be sensitized to this issue.
---------------------------

G. Big Picture - Questions & Concerns

1. All things considered, is the Deer Creek proposal in the City's best interest?

2. If Administration/PW are so convinced this is the right thing to do, why not have a concerted effort to also convince Council?

3. Council is capable of understanding and dealing with "complicated" issues. We do this all the time, but rely on staff to provide facts and analysis first.

4. By not having the chance to see the "big picture", its harder to see where this piece of the puzzle fits in. It appears to be very essential piece!

5. Piecemeal is the way many things proceed, but unless done carefully, progressive disclosure can lead to frustration and suspicion.

6. GMA planning is very high profile and very important. Why not treat these individual decisions as essential building blocks and give them the time and attention commensurate with responsible, long-term planning?

7. Handled appropriately, the Deer Creek proposal should have passed easily with minimal discussion. circaCouncil - Staff relationships need to be built on trust, and giving all the information up front would have been a much better approach.
---------------------------