Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 8 ~FIN~

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This 8-part exercise has been interesting, since most of the 93 different types identified do bear remarkable resemblance to various postings - and posters- I have seen.

I think many 'flame warriors' don't necessarly belong to any one category, although some might gravitate more strongly in certain directions.

Instead, most netizen posters probably share several type characteristics in some proportion, which may also vary from time to time.

Anyway, here are the last twelve Flame Warrior Archetypes from Mike Reed's website at http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907

Thanks Mike!
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Godfather

Forums often contain one or more unacknowledged sub-societies, but everyone except the most clueless know that these groups exist and constantly feel their influence. Such alliances congeal because of similarities in ideas and attitudes, or for the desire for power and influence within the forum. Since human beings are hierarchical creatures each of these these little mafias always have a Godfather who is surrounded by a cadre of loyal henchmen. Unlike Rebel Leader, Issues, Furious Typer and other noisy Warriors, Godfather only occasionally deigns to enter into discussions, but when he does everyone listens to him respectfully and his pronouncements have an air of finality. Though Godfather himself never engages in battle, it is commonly understood that his utterances should not be challenged, and when an unsuspecting Newbie or ambitious wannabe mounts a challenge to his authority Godfather’s henchmen viciously silence or drive away the attacker.
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Ent

In bygone days Ents roamed an internet paradise of purposeful forums, but in recent times Ents have grown quiet. Indeed, Ents are so rarely heard from these days that netizens have begun to doubt that they ever existed. Being privy to the secrets of the ancients Ents are an extremely powerful Warriors, and are all the more so because of the veneration in which they are held. Warriors who chop and burn an Ent in battle will not earn glory, but will instead incite the enmity of the entire forum.
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Centurion

Centurion tries to gain tactical advantage in battle by asserting that he is, or was at one time, in the military. He affects the brusque demeanor and clipped style of a drill sergeant, and intimidates opponents by sprinkling his messages with military verbiage and obscure acronyms. He reinforces weak arguments by constantly reminding other Warriors that he has “done his duty”, or “served his country”. Sometimes Centurion may even post pictures of military hardware or images of himself in fatigues brandishing a weapon. Centurion may actually have a military background, or he may just be a nut case - no one really knows. Centurion loathes and is loathed by Weenie, Artiste and Fragile Femme. His natural ally is Troglodyte.
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Big Cat

Big Cat would rather not fight...he enjoys peacefully observing forum conversations and laconically participates when the moods strikes. He playfully chases interesting threads, and from time to time uses a Newbie or Propellerhead as a convenient scratching post. He enjoys being stroked or petted, and tends to purr loudly. CAUTION: Don't be fooled by his fuzzy, playful exterior. When provoked, Big Cat reacts with lightning speed and almost always lands on his feet after an attack. Big Cat often indulges himself by toying with his victim before delivering his lethal blows.
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Capitalista

Capitalista is not always a wealthy fat cat; being a Capitalista is a state of mind rather than a reflection of affluence. A strident and extraordinarily self–satisfied Warrior, Capitalista takes every opportunity to extol the superiority of the free enterprise system and has a powerful aversion to the welfare states of Europe. Capitalista fiercely defends the market economy, bludgeoning “fuzzy-minded socialists” with Adam Smith, Milton Friedman and Friedrich Hayek. Though rather limited in his range of interests, Capitalista’s command of carefully selected historical facts, abstruse statistical comparisons and arcane economic theory make him a formidable foe.
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Atheist

Atheist is Deacon's cyber-doppelganger. Deacon and Atheist hold equally fervent, though diametrically opposed beliefs about religion, and both feel compelled to share those beliefs at every possible opportunity. Should an unsuspecting forum member make even a passing comment about faith or spirituality of any flavor, Atheist will descend like one of the Furies, mercilessly hectoring all of the ignorant and delusional believers about the sordid history of the church and the pernicious effects of religion on society. After a few of Atheist’s anti-religious jeremiads most other Warriors will avoid the subject altogether, though Evil Clown may egg him on a little, and Philosopher may amuse himself by pointing out flaws in his reasoning. If a forum has the misfortune of having both Deacon and Atheist as members, the bickering often continues until Nanny or Admin pulls the plug. Bliss Ninny can also sometimes squelch the conversation by saying, “Well, everyone has a right to their [sic] opinion.
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Artiste

Artiste has an unshakeable faith in his own artistic gifts, and is very pleased to share them with everyone else. Frequently his own insipid poetry will appear in his email signature, and at other times, and to no apparent purpose, he will be overcome with the urge to post a poem in the midst of battle. Artiste, in his need to demonstrate his aesthetic sensitivity and cultural sophistication, will reference obscure artists to drive his point home. He assumes that the mere mention of, say, Pollaiuolo (Italian,1431 –1498), will confirm the breadth of knowledge and thereby cow his opponent in battle. Actually, he is universally regarded as a pretentious blockhead. CAUTION: Artiste often has serious mental problems and, though easily defeated in battle, may be unpredictable in defeat as well as in victory.
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Typhoid Mary

Typhoid Mary blunders across the internet spreading infection far and wide. Ignoring repeated warnings not to open attachments from unknown senders and unmoved by entreaties to run security patches and update virus definitions she is the unwitting vector for countless malicious hacks, Trojan horses and embedded viruses. Typhoid Mary believes that someone out there really DOES want her to have “Good Times", or “Win a Holiday”, or that a nice person is actually sending her “Penpal Greetings”. She is intensely loathed by Propellerhead, and is the frequent object of Admin’s homicidal fantasies.
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Pinko

Pinko has an angry, almost genetic loathing for privilege, greed, social exploitation, racism, sexism, homophobia, pro-lifers, the religious right, environmental degradation, the NRA, US imperialism, multinational corporations, big business, Republicans in general and George Bush in particular. Pinko openly admires Oliver Stone, Noam Chomsky and Michael Moore and anyone else who is critical of the US government and bourgeois culture. She ardently believes there is no enormity of which the United States is incapable and regards its entire history as an unbroken legacy of avarice, deceit and injustice. Though Issues, Weenie, Fragile Femme and sometimes Ideologue will defend Pinko in battle, her extremely predictable and tedious attacks eventually exhaust even those inclined to support her.
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Patois

The tortured syntax of his messages immediately gives Patois away as a non-native speaker. Patois enters discussion forums with the best of intentions; he may want to get to know Americans, or practice his English, or exchange ideas about a particular subject. Predictably, his malaprops immediately draw fire from Evil Clown and Jerk - even Grammarian may weigh in. At first, Patois tries to parry the thrusts with inept banter, but as his tormenters turn up the heat Patois finally pops his cork. Forgetting what little English he knows he lashes out with sputtering ripostes such as, “ No, you must stopping now because you are a stupid.”, which only causes more piling on. When Eagle Scout, Weenie, an others spring to his defense Patois lavishes them with puppy-like gratitude and loyalty. CAUTION: Impersonating Patois is a favorite ruse of Imposter and Troller.
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Fanboy

Though annoying and often disruptive, Fanboy is a relatively harmless Warrior because his interests and knowledge are strictly limited a single obsession. He's fixated on a particular video game, a celebrity, a television show, a sports team, – almost anything, really. Fanboy’s compulsion makes him very easy to identify, but it also arms him with supernatural tenacity. The most benign criticism of his beloved immediately provokes a cascade of virulent abuse. Once alerted to Fanboy's sensitivities Evil Clown, Troller and Jerk will goad himmercilessly. CAUTION: ANYONE can become a Fanboy, but the warning signs of an emerging Fanboy are subtle and easily overlooked. For example, are you a little hasty to defend Linux?
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Necromancer

Necromancer has a supernatural ability to bring long-dead forum discussion threads back to life. After having been flogged to death the thread may have been deceased for many years, and bringing it back may have scant relevance to the current topic, yet Necromancer will unexpectedly exhume the thread’s rotting corpse, and strike horror in the forum as its grotesque form lurches into the discussion. The monster, instantly recognized by all who knew it in life, seems at first to breathe and have a pulse, but, alas, it is beyond Necromancer’s skill to fully restore the thread’s original vitality. The hideous apparition may frighten away some of the weaker Warriors or Warriors badly wounded in former battles, but the thread is only a shadow of its former self and very quickly expires.

Unlike Archivist, Necromancer compulsively saves every forum message in carefully preserved archives for future use in battle, while Necromancer collects departed threads merely for the thrill of resurrecting them. Some say he performs this unnatural act out of malice, others say he can’t help himself, but no one really knows.
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Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 7

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Here are twelve more types from Mike Reed's website at http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907
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Impostor

Impostor is a digital Proteus who changes his persona whenever it suits his purposes. That 21 year old co-ed from Arizona State you met in a discussion forum may, in fact, be a retired steel worker from Pittsburgh. Impostor will claim to be black, white, rich, poor, young, old, straight or gay, and if he's good he can pull it off - at least for a while. Of course, there are sinister, even criminal reasons Impostor would lie about who he is, but more often he fakes it to lend weight to his arguments, or simply to amuse himself. Impostor's requisite imagination and good writing skills can make him a formidable enemy, but even the best of this Warrior class will eventually blunder and reveal their true identity. Once uncovered, Impostor will always flee, but he may return in another form - you just never know...
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Troller

Troller is looking for a response...ANY response, and he will chum the waters with complaints, insults, compliments, and inflammatory tidbits hoping that someone...ANYONE, will take the bait. Generally quite harmless - practices a form of catch and release. Nonetheless, he can upset the delicate ecology of a discussion forum. Once a forum becomes aware of his presence, however, all feeding activity ceases and Troller must move on to more promising waters.
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Diplomat

Diplomat butts into hot disputes, presuming that the combatants will welcome and appreciate his even-handed and eminently reasonable mediation. Frankly, he gets what he deserves.
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Deacon

Be he a Baptist, Scientologist or Zoroastrian, in the heat of battle Deacon will call down Divine retribution on all net sinners, and will never miss an opportunity to tell everyone about his personal savior. Deacon is fervent and earnest, but never has anything of interest or substance to contribute to a discussion. Occasionally Tireless Rebutter or Philosopher will engage Deacon in battle, but mostly he is ignored.
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Crybaby

Although sometimes a male, Crybaby is usually a female, and often a close ally of Innocence Abused. When teased or attacked Crybaby will pitch a loud public temper tantrum, holding her breath and kicking her feet. If that defense fails she will run to Nanny for comfort.
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Compost

Compost has few weapons at his disposal and must resort to expletives and gross vulgarities to amplify his rhetorical thrusts. His tactical approach can occasionally rout Innocence Abused, but it is generally ineffective against other Warriors. Combatants know when he has spent the fury of his attack when he suggests that his opponent's mother is a professional sexual services provider (although he will put it in different terms). Nanny has little stomach for Compost's ordure and will quickly eject him from the forum.
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Artful Dodger

Like Nitpick, Artful Dodger is a nimble and elusive Warrior. When faced with an attack he can't rebuff he maneuvers the discussion into an area where he feels he occupies the high ground. If, for example, in a moment of pique his opponent refers to him as a "sonofabitch", Artful Dodger will not only demand a public apology for his sainted mother, but will launch into a long harrangue about the sanctity of motherhood. Knowing full well that to stay on topic will assure his defeat, he is utterly impervious to counterattacks like, "that has nothing to do with this discussion".
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Archivist

Archivist saves and squirrels away each and every discussion forum message. Do you remember having a bad day back in 1996 when in one of your messages you may have said a few things that were...well, perhaps a little...hasty? Don't worry, Archivist still has it and will post it to the forum if you begin to get the upper hand in battle. Archivist can be a very effective and fearsome Warrior.
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ALLCAPS

ALLCAPS attempts to compensate for his limited rhetorical weaponry through the extravagant use of capitalized words - something netizens refer to as SHOUTING. Sure, a sprinkling of capitalized words can add spice to an attack, but overuse is like too much tarragon in the stew. Even worse from a tactical point of view, too much shouting alerts other Warriors to the opponent's verbal WEAKNESS and emotional EXCITABILITY.
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Loopy

Don't try to understand Loopy's messages - they will forever remain opaque to all but himself. Loopy is easily aroused and exuberant in battle and fearlessly flings himself at any Warrior - even Kung-Fu Master. Loopy's main weapons consist of a disarming array of nonsequiturs, tautologies, and bizarre metaphors, which can often gain him an advantage in the initial stages of an attack. Combatants very quickly realize, however, that Loopy is a certifiable nut case and generally avoid further engagement, although Jerk and Evil Clown sometimes egg Loopy on for their own amusement. CAUTION: Loopy cannot be defeated with conventional weapons. Any response to his attacks will often provoke a fusillade of incoherent messages. HINT: If ignored, Loopy will continue to clatter and foam until Nanny removes him from the discussion forum.
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Coffee Klatch

For Coffee Klatch the discussion forum is a social gathering - like Mah Jong or the Wednesday morning canasta club. Coffee Klatch prefers a friendly, chatty environment and almost always limits her participation to non-technical forums. Whether inadvertently or by design, Coffee Klatch prepares the battlefield in her favor by making it soggy with pleasant, but vapid messages - her favorite phrase often being, "thanks for sharing". This renders the battlefield rather slow going for many of the swifter and more powerful Warriors, and if war does break out she will shed her benign facade and strike mired Warriors with great ferocity.
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Profundus Maximus

Profundus Maximus eagerly holds forth on all subjects, but his thin knowledge will not support a sustained assault and therefore his attacks quickly peter out. Profundus Maximus often uses big words, obscure terms and...ahem...even Latin to bluff his way through battle.
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Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 6

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Here are twelve more types from Mike Reed's website at http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907
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Evil Clown

Evil Clown is very quick with a joke, but his jests always have a barb. He has little patience for in-depth discussions and will often disrupt exchanges between serious forum participants by introducing irrelevant topics, fatuous quips, and offhand comments. His greatest thrill is to taunt and humiliate weaker or more plodding Warriors with his snappy ripostes. When a strong Warrior finally corners him Evil Clown will attempt to escape by accusing his attacker of having no sense of humor.
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Kung-Fu Master

Though Kung-Fu Masters are powerful Warriors, they generally choose not to fight. Many lesser Warriors delude themselves into thinking that they are masters of war, but few are the genuine article. The true Kung-Fu master fully appreciates his own superiority and is therefore unruffled by petty provocations. When forced to fight, however, he quickly crushes his opponent with devastating blows.
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Issues

Issues has an issue and she wants it to be everyone's issue. The discussion could be about fondue pots and Issue would rage about the multinational corporate conspiracy to exploit fondue pot workers. Of course, Issues is found among all ideological persuasions - anti-gun mothers, gun totin' mothers, bloodthirsty feminists, troglodyte misogynists, politically correct, politically incorrect, lefties, righties, vegetarians, carnivores, radical Rotarians - it doesn't matter. HINT: An effective tactic to employ against Issues is indifference.
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Ideologue

There are two distinct varieties of Ideologue, conservative and liberal, but each being smug and self satisfied in his certitudes, they are really flip sides of the same coin. Though Ideologue's "opinions" merely represent a loose collection of intellectual conceits he is nonetheless astonished, bewildered and angered when his views are not immediately embraced as Truth. He regards honest disagreement as a form of cognitive dissonance that can only be cured by relentless propagandizing. The conservative iteration of Ideologue parades himself as a logical, clear thinker, while the liberal version trumpets his higher level of mental, spiritual and social awareness. Troglodyte is the natural ally of conservative Ideologue, and for liberal Ideologue it is Weenie. Whether conservative or liberal, Ideologue is a fierce, but very predictable Warrior.
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Howlers

Howlers generally populate academic, technical or special interest forums in which particular issues are discussed. Newbies to such forums often wander in thinking they have found some devastating new argument that contradicts accepted wisdom on the forum topic. Of course, if the forum is a long-standing and active discussion group it will probably have heard and debated the argument at length, so instead of reviving a dead topic Howlers will simply shout and throw excrement until the intruder leaves.
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Grunter

Grunter always reponds to discussion forum messages with a single word or a short phrase, and he NEVER edits quoted material . Profundus Maximus, Philosopher, Tireless Rebutter, and other verbose Warriors find Grunter a particularly exasperating opponent because he will answer their lengthy pontifications with a simple "Yeah!". "Get a life.", "Whatever", "I agree." "Wrong.", etc. While Grunter is not a strong Warrior, he is very elusive and difficult to engage in direct battle, and only by his extended silence is there any indication that he has been vanquished.

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Grammarian

Grammarian usually has little to contribute to a discussion and possesses few effective weapons. To compensate, he will point out minor errors in spelling and grammar. Because of Grammarian's obvious weakness most Warriors ignore him.
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Fragile Femme

Fragile Femme is very needy and insecure and regards the discussion forum as her personal support group, and will lash out when her feelings are not "validated" by the others. Fragile Femme will often refer to the forum participants as her "family" and becomes distraught at disharmony of any kind. She regards even minor disagreements with her as devastating personal assaults and will often dissolve into hysteria when confronted. Her hyperactive sense of injury renders her fighting tactics fairly ineffective, but Innocence Abused, Cyber Sisters or Weenie will often spring to her defense.
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Filibuster

Filibuster and his pet topic form an endless loop. If his first thrust doesn't win the day, he will try to gain ground with a second, third, fourth ... nth repetition. He may even make a good initial attack, but his monotonous hectoring and prodigious output rapidly clears the field of other Warriors. Filibuster eventually lands in everyone's killfile.
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Ethnix

Ethnix is an extremely powerful Warrior who effectively exploits his minority status and the general nervousness about race to gain advantage in battle. Ethnix deftly wields his ethnicity and can instantly shift from defense to offense, keeping even the most skillful Warriors off balance. Impostor, covetous of his power, often impersonates Ethnix, but he can seldom maintain the ruse. While all Warriors are wary of Ethnix, he is most feared by Weenie.
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Ego

For Ego, the discussion forum is all about him and his issues, and he regards discussions that stray from those topics as trivial dalliances. Although tolerant of an occasional shift in focus, Ego grows increasingly restive from extended inattention and will often provoke conflict to reestablish himself as the subject at hand. Ego dismisses with only a cursory reading any forum traffic that doesn't relate directly to him, but replies at length to everything else. Ego is one the the fiercest of all the Warriors and will fight to the death when attacked.
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Lamer

Lamer is a Warrior who appears in different guises to different people, and is therefore difficult to describe in full detail. Nonetheless, he is readily identifiable because of his mediocre wit, utter lack of insight and vacuous comment . You begin to sense Lamer's presence when you are able to anticipate the content of his messages even before reading them. Lamer actively participates in forum discourse and readily jumps into battle, but his ineffectuality renders him relatively harmless when encountered in single combat. CAUTION: Lamer's crushing dullness can enervate even the most robust Warrior, and while it is usually possible to overcome the presence of a few Lamers, enough of them banded together the can numb the liveliest forum into extinction.
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Flame Warrior Archetypes: Part 5

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Here are twelve more types from Mike Reed's website at http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=1907
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Agent

"Agent is a sinister and elusive opponent who usually works in concert with other Agents. Agent generally uses standard combat techniques, but differs from other Warriors in that he is in the employ of some organization. The organization may be political, commercial, or even criminal, and it’s Agent’s job to post messages that advance his employer’s interests . . . "
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Lurker

Lurker does not participate in normal forum discourse, but he's out there...watching, reading every message. Generally, he is quite harmless. In fact, his silence usually reflects a natural reticence rather than any sinister motives. He is content to let the other people haul the conversational freight and, if a fight breaks out he will observe quietly. Occasionally, however, some mysterious impulse drives him to de-lurk and attack. Other Warriors regard his unexpected assault as an ambush, and invariably turn on him savagely. But Lurker seldom sticks around to fight it out, rather, after a brief exchange, he slips away, never to be heard from again.
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Nanny

Nanny tirelessly monitors forum discussions and makes it his mission to see to it that everyone behaves. While he is quick to admonish for off-topic messages and petty squabbling, he is generally rather slow to anger. Nanny rarely wades into pitched battles, rather he simply pulls the plug on combatants. Often Nanny becomes the unwitting ally to the intrigues of Rat and Crybaby.
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Pithy Phrase

Pithy Phrase is a walking compendium of famous quotations and wise adages. Of course, he will never add anything original to the discussion, but because most discussion forums communicate through e mail he can take his time to thumb through books of quotes and find les mots justes for every situation. Er...didn't Winston Churchill say, "It's a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations."? Digital forums are a gift to the slow witted (I said that).
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Philosopher

Philosopher differs from Profundus Maximus in that he actually does know something. While somewhat humorless and slightly aloof, he is also slow to anger. When he does deign to engage in battle he is considerate of other opinions, but his ponderous and lengthy cogitations effectively smother the opposition.
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Perv

Perv is a relatively rare Flame Warrior and is very secretive. He incites trouble merely to keep people talking to him. He can be very difficult to identify, but one big tipoff is if he seems less interested in what you have to say than what you are wearing.
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Palooka

Palooka will battle anyone, anytime, anywhere - he seems to love it, even though he always takes a beating. After a terrific pounding at the hands of, for example, Kung-Fu Master, he'll just struggle to his feet and wobble back into the ring. His astonishing ability to absorb punishment leads one to suspect that during his long Warrior career Palooka has taken a few too many punches. Often, as an act of mercy, Nanny will step in to stop the fight.
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Peacemaker

No one knoweth whence cometh the Peacemaker, nor whither he goeth. He restoreth peace unto the people. He seeketh neither praise nor glory, but only that all might love one another and that the lamb might lie down with the lion. Anyway, some Warriors have a talent for pouring oil on troubled water. CAUTION: Beware of false messiahs.
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Nitpick

Nitpick compensates for his general weakness as a Warrior by pouncing on errors, however irrelevant to the discussion, and using them to discredit the enemy. For example, if his opponent in a sports forum conflict casually mentioned the Cubs' 4-2 victory in the 1908 World Series, Nitpick would quickly counterattack with something like, "4-2 !? Any moron knows the Cubs won the Series 4-1! Someone so ignorant about baseball history can't possibly know anything about salary caps!" Even if the minor point is conceded Nitpick will return to it whenever pressed in the main arena of battle. Nitpick can be easily bested by even Rottweiler Puppy, but he is very tenacious and will never admit defeat. Nitpick is a close ally of Artful Dodger.
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Newbie

Unsteady in his knowledge of computers and cyberculture Newbie perambulates the internet, blithely stumbling his way into discussion forums. He seldom reads the FAQs and is utterly clueless about the basics of netiquette. When engaged in battle Newbie's usual tactical gambit is to feign helplessness, often going limp or crying when cornered. While Newbie doesn't seek conflict he will lash out comically when his feelings are hurt. Most Warriors will either ignore Newbie or treat him with mild disdain, but a few, such as Jerk and Evil Clown, take special pleasure in torturing him. Others, especially Propeller Head and Xenophobe, have a particular animus against Newbie and view his bumbling as an affront that must be punished.
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Netiquette Nazi

Netiquette Nazi is in control and she does not tolerate backtalk. The guidelines for every discussion forum are clearly posted and she demands obedience. If any of you sniveling dogs break the rules or deviate from strict observance of netiquette you WILL be punished.
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Lonely Guy

Lonely Guy doesn't get out much, and often his social isolation can drive him to do battle just for the human contact. Compassion dictates that we shouldn't get too upset with his antics. Nonetheless, Lonely Guy can be very fierce. Remember, he has nothing better to do than stew over real or imagined insults. CAUTION: If Lonely Guy is also a Propeller Head he may retaliate with e mail bombing, anonymous spamming, electronic stalking and other techie mischief.
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