Saturday, December 31, 2011

I Don't Give A Fig For This Newton

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world." - George Bernard Shaw

What is glibly advertised, gooey, prefers being wrapped - and baked - in dough, and could be confused with a toxic lizard?
Answer: A fig sandwich? No, wait, a Newt Gingrich!

The current traveling circus trying to disguise itself as the Republican Presidential Primary exhibits a number of truly freaky and sometimes scary characters, with 'Newt' being the latest flash-in-the-pan gladiator to be thrown into the big cat arena.
Good luck with that, Newt!

Think he'll survive?
Of course he will; but maybe not the way he'd prefer.
That would be just fine with me, too.

It is curious as hell that this Newt fellow is such a narcissist to even imagine he could win the support of American voters, unless most of them really do insist upon calling our Federal Guvmint a TV reality show.

Why, the prospect of Newt actually becoming '45' is more frightening than a loaded '45 that's being pointed at me!
So, let's get serious and settle down, let Romney -or whoever- run and lose; then get back to something like we have today, OK?

How does Newt do it, anyway?
He looks and acts like an over-grown Spanky (from Our Gang) and has enough baggage to make any airline profitable.

For 30 years he's hung around Washington, DC like a court jester, intent on collecting as much fame and fortune as that strange city will allow.

He could probably get a job with the Capitol Steps as a comedy act, if he were legitimately funny.
Maybe a character like a Government-Issue (GI) Grinch? (Count the letters in his name)

Or, better yet, the Big Fig! (check out the U-Tube)

I don't really dislike Newt, its what he's done to degrade my concept of an elected official that troubles me.
But, freedom -and free enterprise- being what it is, what Newt's does is certainly allowed, even though it may negatively impact what most of the world may think of us.
True to form, I have collected the URLs of a few articles written with NEWT as subject,
This one, from the NYTimes captures the essence of what many think about this fellow. It also includes the '8 Things Newt Likes'. Check it out.

Others, from Politico, The Nation (serial hypocrite?), BusinessWeek (is he really a G Washington crossing the Delaware?) and CBS News (shades of John Boehner!) also shed light on this character from different angles.

Then. of course the mandatory Wikipedia piece on Newts.

And, the salient witches chant from MacBeth to close the loop:

2nd Witch: (not a witch?)
"Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing,--
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."

That's it from me on this sorry subject.