Someone sent me these funnies recently:
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The Original Computer:
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor is one who used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy ...
...you just hoped nobody found out!
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Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.
One night the 96-year-old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.
The 94-year-old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?"
The 92-year-old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters, shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure.
Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
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5 RIDDLES
[ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM]
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.
The first is full of raging fires,
the second is full of assassins with loaded guns,
and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?
3. What is black when you buy it,
red when you use it,
and gray when you throw it away ?
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
5. This is an unusual paragraph.
I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it.
It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it.
In fact, nothing is wrong with it!
It is highly unusual though.
Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd.
But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.
Try to do so without any coaching!
ANSWERS TO THE FIVE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
1 The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
That one was easy, right?
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
4. Sure you can name three consecutive days;
yesterday, today, and tomorrow!
5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.
how did you do?
-----------------------
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Real Life Reality: Grandma & the Chicken
On a recent visit back east to visit relatives I decided to pass the time en-route by jotting down a few memories from growing up. One that came to mind was this story:
One of our family's all-time favorite foods was -and still is- fried chicken. A tasty dish typical of the South, it wasn't necessarily good for you with all the grease, skin and seasoning ingredients that went into the preparation. And, for that matter, it wasn't very good for the chickens either!
But, just look at the success that Kentucky Fried Chicken [KFC] and other companies have had to see how universally popular fried chicken is to this day.
Talking with my sister the other day, I was reminded that fried chicken is also something that gets taken for granted by most folks, without the understanding of what it actually takes to prepare it.
As it turned out, my little sister was turned off by the very idea of fried chicken for quite a while, as the result of one particular visit to Grandmother Watts' house down on the farm in Piedmont North Carolina. To this day, Mary recalls with horror, what happened after she was asked what seems to be an innocuous question; 'which of these chickens looks the fattest'?
When she pointed to one plump hen, Grandma grabbed it, quickly wrung its neck, then chopped off its head! Only then, in reflex, did the doomed chicken escape her grasp and proceed to literally 'run around like a chicken with its head cut off'!
My sister was further horrified when Grandma finally caught the headless chicken and hung it by the feet on a clothesline for it to finish bleeding out! Then, if that weren't enough, plunged that poor headless chicken into a a big iron pot of boiling water! Ooh, ouch!
Later, we found out that step was needed to help remove the feathers, plus maybe kill a few germs, before cutting the carcass into parts for cooking. Hardly anything was wasted, including certain entrails such as the liver, heart and gizzard which tasted so good fried that we competed for them.
But what an education that episode provided! Things were OK as long as we weren't aware of the grisly mayhem required. Welcome to reality, children!
To this day, my sister remembers this traumatic story, which continues to minimize her enjoyment -and therefore her consumption- of fried chicken.
One of our family's all-time favorite foods was -and still is- fried chicken. A tasty dish typical of the South, it wasn't necessarily good for you with all the grease, skin and seasoning ingredients that went into the preparation. And, for that matter, it wasn't very good for the chickens either!
But, just look at the success that Kentucky Fried Chicken [KFC] and other companies have had to see how universally popular fried chicken is to this day.
Talking with my sister the other day, I was reminded that fried chicken is also something that gets taken for granted by most folks, without the understanding of what it actually takes to prepare it.
As it turned out, my little sister was turned off by the very idea of fried chicken for quite a while, as the result of one particular visit to Grandmother Watts' house down on the farm in Piedmont North Carolina. To this day, Mary recalls with horror, what happened after she was asked what seems to be an innocuous question; 'which of these chickens looks the fattest'?
When she pointed to one plump hen, Grandma grabbed it, quickly wrung its neck, then chopped off its head! Only then, in reflex, did the doomed chicken escape her grasp and proceed to literally 'run around like a chicken with its head cut off'!
My sister was further horrified when Grandma finally caught the headless chicken and hung it by the feet on a clothesline for it to finish bleeding out! Then, if that weren't enough, plunged that poor headless chicken into a a big iron pot of boiling water! Ooh, ouch!
Later, we found out that step was needed to help remove the feathers, plus maybe kill a few germs, before cutting the carcass into parts for cooking. Hardly anything was wasted, including certain entrails such as the liver, heart and gizzard which tasted so good fried that we competed for them.
But what an education that episode provided! Things were OK as long as we weren't aware of the grisly mayhem required. Welcome to reality, children!
To this day, my sister remembers this traumatic story, which continues to minimize her enjoyment -and therefore her consumption- of fried chicken.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
On Impermanence & What Counts
Recent events including the sudden death of NBC Political Anchor Tim Russert have reminded me yet again of some values that tend to be undervalued in almost each moment I am alive.
Here, the word 'moment' is being chosen deliberately because the present moment is all we can be sure of fully experiencing, as the author Eckhart Tolle reminds us in his book 'The Power of Now'.
Russert was a serious professional with an unassuming manner who consistently focused on putting things into as true a perspective as could be triangulated. I say triangulated because Tim wasn't one to deliberately or artificially polarize serious issues either. Instead, he excelled at asking fair questions and then expecting that honest and complete answers would derive from the responses from which those he interviewed gave. I thought he was unusually effective at that skill for a TV personality, as did many others from the tremendous outpouring of passionate praise his untimely death triggered.
Tim Russert was certainly not just a pretty face and talking head who mouthed the words that were given to him!
Nor was he a paid demagogue masquerading as a FOX newsperson, or a vacuous parrot that simply monitored the wires and mirrored the same views others reported essentially unfettered.
No sir, this Mr Russert was his own man, who worked hard for a long time in relative obscurity digging for real news and views that counted, using the same family values he was taught from early in life. The value he created was earned the old fashioned way, by earning it! I really admire that.
There have been other excellent newspersons I have highly respected over the years, too. People like Edward R Murrow, Walter Cronkite, Robert McNeil & Jim Lehrer, Judy Woodruff and Bill Moyers to name a few. But Tim Russert's special niche was political analysis at the highest level which is a very rare skill indeed.
I think Russert would probably be a little uncomfortable and maybe even a little embarrassed at all the attention his death has attracted, but that's just my guess. He'd probably prefer to have some other folks just step up and try as hard as he did to get the right combination of facts, history and motivations into a context that was living and real. Again, that's just a supposition.
Above all, Tim seemed to know what was really most important in life and to live that fully. He will be missed, but I hope his example will remain as the standard for public journalism for many years to come. So, good-bye Tim, its been great knowing that people like you still exist!
----------------------
While Tim Russert's recent death has attracted national headlines, there are many other deaths and afflictions occurring daily including some that have impacted my family with increasing frequency. But, that is the nature of life - it is impermanent.
And because death does often come without warning, the present moment is so important! Some may think saying that borders on morbidity, but think about it -who knows when their time will come?
This point was driven home to me again today in a conversation with my dear little sister, whom we recently visited in Tennessee. Several months ago, Mary was diagnosed with cancer and began a series of medical tests and treatments to counteract and cure it, a process that remains in full effect to this very moment. But, just barely, because my last phone conversation with her -less than an hour ago- revealed that she and her husband were nearly killed or seriously injured this morning on Interstate 40 while on their way to a planned medical treatment. Fortunately, during a mandatory highway construction stop, she saw another vehicle approaching from behind at high speed and swerved just in time to avoid a full rear-end impact collision! The glancing blow her car did receive was enough to tear off the right rear panel and scare the daylights out of her and her husband. The other car, driven by a mom with 4 kids, went off the road and onto the median strip where it narrowly and miraculously missed turning over and killing or maiming its occupants.
In this case, everyone survived. Thank God for that! And, maybe the near-miss will remain so vivid that future accidents will be better avoided. But, the point is it could have been over for 7 people in literally the blink of an eye! That is a present moment that could have their last, but wasn't. Think about it. Our lives are defined by linking one present moment to the next until the string ends.
Even though I was not there, hearing of that frightening incident was enough to make me think about how I'm spending my precious moments. Hopefully, I'll think about that more often during my 'future' present moments and make them count for something! Maybe if enough of us do that we'll start to value what really counts more for all of us. What really counts is so much more than words and slogans. If Tim Russert knew what counted, maybe there are others who will try to emulate him in the ways we can.
-------------------------------
Here, the word 'moment' is being chosen deliberately because the present moment is all we can be sure of fully experiencing, as the author Eckhart Tolle reminds us in his book 'The Power of Now'.
Russert was a serious professional with an unassuming manner who consistently focused on putting things into as true a perspective as could be triangulated. I say triangulated because Tim wasn't one to deliberately or artificially polarize serious issues either. Instead, he excelled at asking fair questions and then expecting that honest and complete answers would derive from the responses from which those he interviewed gave. I thought he was unusually effective at that skill for a TV personality, as did many others from the tremendous outpouring of passionate praise his untimely death triggered.
Tim Russert was certainly not just a pretty face and talking head who mouthed the words that were given to him!
Nor was he a paid demagogue masquerading as a FOX newsperson, or a vacuous parrot that simply monitored the wires and mirrored the same views others reported essentially unfettered.
No sir, this Mr Russert was his own man, who worked hard for a long time in relative obscurity digging for real news and views that counted, using the same family values he was taught from early in life. The value he created was earned the old fashioned way, by earning it! I really admire that.
There have been other excellent newspersons I have highly respected over the years, too. People like Edward R Murrow, Walter Cronkite, Robert McNeil & Jim Lehrer, Judy Woodruff and Bill Moyers to name a few. But Tim Russert's special niche was political analysis at the highest level which is a very rare skill indeed.
I think Russert would probably be a little uncomfortable and maybe even a little embarrassed at all the attention his death has attracted, but that's just my guess. He'd probably prefer to have some other folks just step up and try as hard as he did to get the right combination of facts, history and motivations into a context that was living and real. Again, that's just a supposition.
Above all, Tim seemed to know what was really most important in life and to live that fully. He will be missed, but I hope his example will remain as the standard for public journalism for many years to come. So, good-bye Tim, its been great knowing that people like you still exist!
----------------------
While Tim Russert's recent death has attracted national headlines, there are many other deaths and afflictions occurring daily including some that have impacted my family with increasing frequency. But, that is the nature of life - it is impermanent.
And because death does often come without warning, the present moment is so important! Some may think saying that borders on morbidity, but think about it -who knows when their time will come?
This point was driven home to me again today in a conversation with my dear little sister, whom we recently visited in Tennessee. Several months ago, Mary was diagnosed with cancer and began a series of medical tests and treatments to counteract and cure it, a process that remains in full effect to this very moment. But, just barely, because my last phone conversation with her -less than an hour ago- revealed that she and her husband were nearly killed or seriously injured this morning on Interstate 40 while on their way to a planned medical treatment. Fortunately, during a mandatory highway construction stop, she saw another vehicle approaching from behind at high speed and swerved just in time to avoid a full rear-end impact collision! The glancing blow her car did receive was enough to tear off the right rear panel and scare the daylights out of her and her husband. The other car, driven by a mom with 4 kids, went off the road and onto the median strip where it narrowly and miraculously missed turning over and killing or maiming its occupants.
In this case, everyone survived. Thank God for that! And, maybe the near-miss will remain so vivid that future accidents will be better avoided. But, the point is it could have been over for 7 people in literally the blink of an eye! That is a present moment that could have their last, but wasn't. Think about it. Our lives are defined by linking one present moment to the next until the string ends.
Even though I was not there, hearing of that frightening incident was enough to make me think about how I'm spending my precious moments. Hopefully, I'll think about that more often during my 'future' present moments and make them count for something! Maybe if enough of us do that we'll start to value what really counts more for all of us. What really counts is so much more than words and slogans. If Tim Russert knew what counted, maybe there are others who will try to emulate him in the ways we can.
-------------------------------
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