Joan Casey: Some Wonderful Reflections

The Whatcom Land Trust has been a favorite activity for Joan Casey for years. Recently, they have helped me find the Jade Stone (Olivine) Bench, obtain permission to place it at the Pt. Whitehorn Marine Reserve, and installed it.

Here's two photos I took today from Point Whitehorn Park, at the end just before the walk down to the beach.

Pt. Whitehorn Marine Reserve

Joan's Bench at Point Whitehorn
Inscription etched into left side:

So beautiful...
Joan Casey
1941-2016

View from Joan's Bench - The Salish Sea

-------The following was written a few days ago early in the morning with a mystical scene capturing my attention----

The predawn stillness is reverential in nature, with the almost full moon setting slowly in the west. 

A mist layer permeates the sky above bay and isles, both near and far.

Soon it will be gone...

Beautiful in every aspect except one; impermanence.

Ah, impermanence, an elegant cruelty; but don’t worry there will be another moment, then another; every one impermanent in their very uniqueness!

This reverie reminds of my first glimpse at one, Miss Joan Casey, arriving breathlessly at a carpool across a crowded parking lot.

That’s not as romantic as across a crowded room, but it will have to do.

Her main expression, observable at a distance, was one of pure exhilaration at being at that place and time, anticipating a wonderful walk in nature with friends.

What a very apparent joy she must have felt to elicit that aura of lightness of spirit!

Anyway, it certainly caught my eye and became the beginning of the long journey we happily took together.

Now, Joan isn’t physically around any more, but her presence remains, not so much as a protest to the whole idea of impermanence, but the expectation of ever-appearing new experiences.

As our love grew over the miles we hiked, there was always room for another adventure, then another, and another.

And, you know what; it’s still happening!!

That was how Joan was, constantly on the lookout for another wonderful experience! 

And you know, that kind of wonderful expectation was bound to succeed, as it did, over and over again.

Now on the eve of what might have been Joan’s 76th birthday, I am again experiencing great joy in having known her and recalling that moment.

The memories we shared do have a way of sticking with you…

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One such memory comes to mind of the time we walked the 95-mile West Highland Way in Scotland;

I made up a silly marching song as we walked along in misty cold, seeking to raise spirits, which it did.

It went like this, to the tune of “Oh Britannia”:

Oh, the Deebit, 

The Deebit walks with me

Oh, the little Deebit walks with me.

Oh, the Lambit,

The Lambit is so fine,

Oh, the little Lambit’s love is mine.

Oh, the Joanie,

The Joanie is my wife.

Oh, the little Joanie lights my life.

Note: since Joan had 2 dimples when she smiled, I called them Deebit and Lambit

Now that’s written, as the sun is rising….

The duty crow has already begun its futile dive-bombing attempts at making the gulls leave his roof.
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A Day to Remember: January 14, 1984

Thirty three years ago today, I met Joan Casey, who became my dear butterfly...
We went on a long hike at Point Reyes National Seashore, and until April 12, 2016, we have hiked many, many miles together!

Despite the sadness of Missus Joan's sudden passing, the joy we shared during our life together certainly outweighs the pain of me missing her physical presence.

I will always have the precious memory of her, her zest for life, and the love we shared.

Here are a few photos that recollect moments our journey together:

Trails & Picnics - 2 Favorites!

Our Camping Home

We never regretted living at 1015 Toledo!

At Ash Lawn - James Monroe's Home (2011)

Joan's iPad, a gift that kept on giving!

UVA President's Home (2011)

Chincoteague Birding

Joan with Bud & Juanita McCormick

J & J - Dingle, Ireland

Joan on Patio @ 291 Surrey

Giddy Gato - Our Wonderful Cat

J&J with John's son Tom, Sister Mary & Richard - Tullahoma, TN

Missus Joan @ Moose Lodge - ca 1998

J&J with Mr Jefferson - 2011

Clowns Lily & Big Red

Hiking at Mt Baker - our backyard!

Joan & John - June 17, 1990

Holiday Greetings!

As 2016 draws to a close, many reflections and thoughts arise in a grand mixture of joy, sadness, hope and some concerns. So much has happened, much of it unexpected and troubling, yet my predominant state of mind remains hopeful and at peace. And, that is the way I want it to be until the end comes, whenever it will... I do believe that is what Missus Joan prefers, and so do I.

Since I've begun receiving Christmas letters from friends and family, it must be time to respond in kind, now that over two months have elapsed since my posting which summarized my activities for the 6-months prior period.

At this moment, I am in Joan's house in San Francisco, where our friends Ilya & Rina Kolesnikov and their family have recently moved in at my invitation. Missus Joan's direction was to have them occupy her home as long as they wish. That's happening, despite the fact that Probate and transfer to my name won't happen until early 2017.
The Holiday Season has already been made real in the neighborhood, as evidenced by several dinners with neighbors, colorful lights and decorations and carols being sung - just what Joan would have wanted!

I've been in California since driving down in my new Honda CRV just before Thanksgiving.
Weather has been good except for a few days of needed rain.
My 10-day Retreat with the RIGPA Fellowship in Ventura was wonderful, as I rejoined the study of Buddhist teachings while meeting many old friends.
This has inspired me to continue learning mindfulness, regularly and peacefully.

After the Retreat, I met with my paternal 1st Cousin Robin McCarthy in Woodland Hills for the first time in 64 years! Can you believe it? Of course, I had communicated with her by phone and e-mail, but not in person all that time.
At 17 months younger than me, Robin remains at her professional fighting weight of 92 lbs on a 5' 2.5" frame! BTW, she was a world class ice skater, who with her husband and partner starred in Ice Capades, Holiday on Ice, and various Hollywood productions - a true celebrity.
While her current husband is seriously incapacitated, her main companion is Sunday, a feisty little Rescue dog, part West Highland Terrier, part Poodle, part Chihuahua. What a treat to spend time with Cousin Robin!

While in Southern California, I swung by Palm Springs/Rancho Mirage to meet Joan's Cousin Clifford McCormick and his wife of 68 years, the wonderful Juanita.
They are both 91 and planning next year to move East to be closer to their 7 children + umpteen grand kids.
What great friends they were to Joan; inviting her to family functions, reunions and the like!

Coming back to San Francisco, I was able to take care of business; visit with Lawyer re Probate; visits to the Sausalito Presbyterian Church; minister; friend Paul Meade at VA Hospital; California Alpine Club on Mt Tamalpais; San Francisco Parks Alliance; Fromm Institute of Life-Long Learning at San Francisco University.

Five Memorial Benches were donated in Joan's Memory -count 'em 5- each with a different inscription. Glen Canyon Park [2 blocks from Joan's home], Golden Gate Park [Concert Concourse between DeYoung Museum and CA Academy of Science], CA Alpine Club Lodge [close to Mt Tam], SPC [outside front entrance to Church], Fromm Institute [outside concourse/patio].

These 5 memorial benches will supplement the three I have already donated in Bellingham; Point Whitehorn Overlook above the Beach [Whatcom County Parks]; and 2 for Bellingham Parks & Recreation Dept- [locations to be determined].
Truly, future Missus Joans will find places to sit in many of her favorite places!

This weekend marks both my son's and my birthdays; Tom the 17th; mine the eighteenth.
RIGPA in SF will have a meditation on 12/18, after which I will begin my return to Bellingham, by way of Sacramento, Jacksonville, OR, then on North.
In the Sacramento Area I will visit friends Sherri & Peter Brown, Nancy Carleton -maternal 1st Cousin, and Lynn & Carol Stradley - very good friends since 1970.
Then, to Jacksonville, OR, where good friends Tom Pratum & Peggy Leviton have recently relocated. Thence, to home - Lord willing and the ice permitting!

That's it for now, unless something happens quickly of note.
So, please enjoy this Holy Holiday in safety and Happiness!

John

Halloween: My Irish Colleen

I received this today from a dear friend of Joan and asked her if I could post here.
She agreed, so here it is:

As you might expect, this brought a tear to my eye, as I remembered our unique time together...

An E-blast Update: Six Months After Joan’s Passing

Hi Folks:

Sorry I've been too slow in updating this blog.

One week from today will mark six-months since Dear Joan passed away.

I thought about that today, while driving to/from Seattle under a gray sky that drizzled intermittently.

Amidst the grayness, tree leaves stood out in their changing colors, yellows, reds and in-between green.

The seasons are definitely passing, as they always do, even in a man’s life; I thought that while remembering a book on the same theme which helped me through an earlier tough patch - a mid-life crisis.

That other time, hard lessons were learned and much suffering endured, with memories of sadness, a sense of irretrievable loss, questioning of what had gone wrong and why, and yet somehow knowing that despite this set-back, I needed to get on with my life. [so glad I did!]

Maybe, that earlier time helped prepare me for the suddenness of Joan’s departure, but it’s hard to say, because this current pain doesn’t seem to fade much either, despite my determined efforts to focus on the love we shared as true kindred spirits. All I have to do is watch that 8-minute You-Tube clip of our wedding. Talk about the experience of joy!

In the car this morning, every time I reached over for her hand, it wasn’t there. Hard to not miss that warm feeling…

But, I know her beautiful spirit lives! 

Just knowing that really helps inspire me to keep going strong, and rejoin the world of the living.

This last 6 months there has been so much to do, getting affairs organized and beginning to plan for my own ending.

I am very thankful for the help so many people have given me to make this transition proceed so remarkably smoothly!

Here’s a synopsis:

Memorials - The series of six planned Memorials served to allow many of Joan’s circles of friends and family to remember her bright smile, love of life and joyous spirit! Those events also helped me share the wonderful support of the many others who also loved her. I greatly appreciate that! Also, many other gatherings and remembrances were held in Joan’s honor, and these were truly amazing in their combined effect! Thank you all.

Legal - I’ve now gotten much more familiar with lawyers and their trade, both in Bellingham and in San Francisco. These folks have been essential in handling the provisions of Joan’s Will and the Probate process. I’ll be using them again soon, for my own end-of-life planning.

Real Estate - Our beloved Bellingham home of 26 years has been sold and is now occupied by a couple with 2 teenage sons. I know they will love living there as much as we did.

I have purchased and moved into a Condominium in the Fairhaven [Old Town] section of Bellingham, near the Bay, trails, eateries and instant social life - should I want it.

Joan’s wonderful Victorian house in San Francisco’s Glen Park Neighborhood is in Probate, now being valued so that her Estate can be finally settled. Her wish was have our good friends, Ilya & Rina Kolesnikov, live there with their 2 sons, and this will happen soon. 

Joan bought that house in 1978, as a single woman, and paid it off! Wish I had made such a good investment! [Come to think of it, I did - by marrying Joan!]

Joan’s beloved Cabin of 18 years, called "Moose Lodge" in Winthrop, WA has not yet been sold; but it has been rented for 6-months over the Winter and will be put back on the market next year.

Monetary Assets - These are all being consolidated to simplify accounting needs, including the IRS, using the expert advice of advisors who will coordinate these efforts with me and the Legal folks.

Autos - I sold my 2003 Volkswagen Eurovan, traded in Joan’s Subaru Outback, and bought a 2016 Honda CRV Touring model that seems much smarter than I am! It does fit my needs, and my basement parking spot better. 

Ongoing Stuff - I've already gotten rid of, literally, a ton of stuff just to fit into my smaller space; now, the job of sorting through remaining books, correspondence, files, pictures, slides, memories, Buddhist publications and notes demands attention. 

Next Steps - What are my plans now, you might ask? 

Several essential tasks include updating my Will, developing a Revocable Living Trust, Updating my Advance Healthcare Directive and creating a Durable Power of Attorney. 

Next, I’ll be getting IRS returns prepared and submitted, using a CPA this time! 

I am also now motivated to maintain a better level of physical health to help enjoy life; practice regular spiritual meditation; visit relatives and friends; stay in touch with others better; continue reading and all-life-learning pursuits.

Above all, I am going to continue to honor Joan’s Memory in the very best way I can...

Another Joan Casey Tribute: Special Thanks to the "A" Team!

This last month has been a bear!
Never thought this much could be done in so short a time, but now it's happened and the home Joan & I thoroughly enjoyed for 26 years will go on the market tomorrow, Thursday July 28, 2016.
Meanwhile, I am ensconced in my new Condo in Fairhaven - something Joan & I had considered for some time, and that I am sure she would approve!

Here are six pictures taken by my good friend, Mark Turner, which will be used to advertise our former home at 1015 West Toledo Street:

Interior, showing view to NNW across deck

Interior, showing Living Room & Kitchen in background

Interior, from Kitchen through Dining Area to Deck & View

Master Bedroom

View from Deck to NNW, Canadian Mountains

Exterior, showing Solar Array atop Garage & Front Entrance

Not much of this progress could have been accomplished in so short a time, without the amazing help of my "A" Team! 

All of these folks were friends of Joan and me, who pitched in and greatly helped me make this transition happen so smoothly and -relatively- painlessly. 

I am very thankful for the help they all offered.

Here's a list, that hopefully includes -almost- everyone:

• Ilya Kolesnikov
• Klara Weis
• Anne Mosness
• Mary Durbrow
• Jim Hildt
• Roni Lenore
• Mike Kaufman
• Naomi Bunis
• Helen McLeod
• Kurt Lindemann
• Regina Montano
• Shelly Murray
• Ann Davidge
• Donna Rushing
• Tim Burnett
• Bob Davis
• Margaret Weiland
• Bob Carlitz
• Katie Carlitz
• Rina Kolesnikov
• Vladimir Kolesnikov
• Anatoly Kolesnikov
• Laurie Heck

To these special people goes my heartfelt thanks!

They prove that when things are tough, true friends arise to occasion!

Joan is smiling - as always...

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Joan Casey Update # 26: BUF Celebration of Life

The DEE Cloud

From a friend: As I left the fellowship celebration I snapped this picture of a singular cloud floating above and lingering well beyond the others leaving. 

Whispering marvelous wishes. 

PS: for some reason the email from my phone on Saturday went around the world for a few days and back .

Does this remind you of  anyone?
Missus Joan was famous for lingering at an enjoyable event until she was the last to leave...
Would it surprise you that she may have enjoyed this last celebration of her life?

The event at BUF worked well, with about 60 folks signing the guest book and 12 rising to say a few words recalling experiences they had with Joan. All seemed to really enjoy seeing 8-minute short video of wedding, which displayed the joy which pervaded our lives together.

Afterwards, the reception continued for about an hour.
Then, it was over - except for the memories of a life well-lived.
No wonder Missus Joan may have lingered!
It really was a celebration of her life...
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Joan Casey Update #25: Our Wedding @ SPC

This is a 8-minute video clip that highlights our wedding on June 17, 1990

What a Happy Day our wedding was!
And, what a happy marriage it produced.
The Celebration of Joan's Life at the Sausalito Presbyterian Church on May 21 recalled the earlier event and infused its happiness into people's hearts all over again!
It certainly lifted my spirits to recall, experience again, and anticipate such infectious joy in the future.
And, I know Joan was very happy!
Just take my word for it...

A trip to the Sausalito Church website will provide another chance to view the above clip, plus more pictures taken and posted by our friends afterwards - which was also amazing!
Enjoy this as I have.
I expect to show it at the final Memorial for Joan - at the Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship on Saturday, June 4 at 2 PM.
Come one, come all to remember Joan's irrepressible persona...
Recorded music and light refreshments to follow.
An AD in the Herald will repeat this invitation more widely, starting this Sunday and running for 3 days...
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Joan Casey Update #24: On Clowns

Joan - before John

Joan as Lily

Lily & Big Red - A Clown Couple

Joan meets Corpulent Critter (Big Red has grown really big!

Critters as Ushers @ Joan & John's Wedding
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Joan Casey Update #23: Celebration of Life Video

Ms Joan Casey

I arrived in San Francisco yesterday and came straight to Joan's house with our friend Ilya.

The house was immaculate and I can imagine Joan exclaiming it was so wonderful. The weather was bright but windy, giving motion to trees and clouds outside the kitchen windows.

Joan's oldest Cousin, Clifford McCormick and Juanita, his wife of over 67 years, arrived before 6 PM after driving up from Palm Springs in one day.

Our friend Fedor came soon after with bags of groceries to cook his famous 'weapon', a potato dish with other veggies, herbs, etc. 
It smelled wonderful and tasted even better! 

He also made a great salad with cabbage, lemon and pomegranate seeds which complimented the 'weapon' very well. 
And, he made a terrific mushroom dish with beef that rounded out the meal. 

Of course, a little wine was also in order, followed by cookies and chocolate.

This welcoming dinner ended up including 8 people, plus a neighbor who dropped in. 
Missus Joan would have been proud - and very happy!

Afterwards, we watched our Wedding Ceremony on DVD/TV - all 90 minutes of it, with just a few fast-forwards. 

A good time was had by all, especially under the circumstances under which we had gathered. 
A really good sleep followed.

This morning, Rev George McLaird came by to meet with me and ended up talking with Cliff, Juanita, Ilya and me for almost 2 hours! 
He had brought a printed program that looks just great.

So, tomorrow is the day we travel to Sausalito for Joan's Celebration of Life. 

Joan with some Lad in Dingle, Ireland

I expect a pretty good crowd to exchange pleasant memories in good fellowship - another thing much valued by Joan.

Our friend, Robin Sinclair - who sang at our wedding - produced a short clip of our wedding from the original tape which will be added to the website at Sausalito Presbyterian Church.

John with some Irish Lass

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Joan Casey Update #22: A Rose 4 U

Mt Baker - Photo by Friend who also took 'Mountain Bliss'

Mountain Bliss

I'm now getting ready to visit San Francisco again, this time to participate in Joan's Celebration of Life at the Sausalito Presbyterian Church. 

That is expected to be a big event, just as she might like. 

The Program looks great, as does the Video of our Wedding, the Music selected, and the Speakers.

But, the main thing Joan liked were the People! 

Many will be there, missing a few who have also passed away.

Yes, the occasion will be as joyous as possible, even without Joan's delightful presence!

My son, Tom, sent me a picture of a Rose from Joan's Memorial Service in Yonkers.

This is for you, Wee Lambie...

A Rose for Joan
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Joan Casey Update #21: A 400-Word Speech +/-

View from our deck

After Joan and I were married by Reverend George McLaird on June 17, 1990 at SPC, I made the small mistake of introducing her as my wife, Joan. 

She quickly informed me that she was Joan [COMMA] my wife! 

I ever forgot that again...

Joan was unique among anyone I ever met. 

She seemed to operate at a faster, higher, and more motivated pace in her life. 

I saw this as good, and immediately was drawn to her - as fortunately, she was to me. 

We connected on many levels, and still do.

Joan was/is a true seeker for the meaning of life. 

The Dalai Lama's simple definition of Buddhism as a school of thought was "loving-kindness". 

That resonated, and was all Joan needed to begin her vigorous exploration of Buddhism!

Buddhism is based upon the Three Jewels; Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. 

Buddha means enlightenment. 

Dharma means the path one chooses to achieve enlightenment. 

Sangha means the people one chooses to associate with during their search.

Joan also found all three elements at SPC; inspiration, opportunity to turn inspiration into good works, and wonderful people who helped and were with her along the way!

To Joan, the number 3 had significance: The Three Jewels; Body, Speech and Mind; and the Holy Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Other numbers were also significant: 05/16/1941,  01/14/1984, and 06/17/1990. (Her Birthday; the Day we met; the Day we married).

As I flew home today from Joan's Memorial in Yonkers, NY - her home town - it occurred to me that she may still prefer those numbers, all with the years left out.

I also suspected she may have become reborn as I was thinking about it! 
I hope she was, so she could continue her loving-kindness from a new, broader and even more beneficial perspective!

Maybe as a Dakini or even a Bodhisattva?  

Why not?

That would be very good, and I'm certain she would love her new Role in the Greater Scheme of Things!

I will always love Joan, as her Spirit will live into Eternity. 

The singing group, Alabama, created lyrics, which said "She's close enough to perfect for me".

Little Joanie Casey; 
Lily of the Pink Spirit, 
Chickadee; 
Debit; 
Lambit: J-KC; 
my Dear Dee!

A very small part of you is now reunited with your Father, Mother and Brother, under the Casey Headstone at Gate of Heaven Cemetery, Valhalla, NY.

Just like you said when you first saw the Home we bought together, "What do I have to do to live here?" 

Easy answer!

Just "keep beaming your radiant Dee-ness" through your bright eyes and wonderful smile!

Padmasambhava Thanka hanging in our home
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Joan Casey Update #20: Yonkers Memorial

Tom & John @ Rory Dolan's

Kathy Casey & Patsy McCann @ Rory Dolan's

Joan's Memorial Celebration of Life at Flynn's Memorial Home was done well, including Fr Michael Connelly, a Franciscan Priest. He had prepared by reading about Joan in this blog and in talking over the phone. He read from Saint Francis of Assisi, recognized Joan's Buddhist beliefs and Christian upbringing, said a moving prayer and recognized several people who had vivid memories of Joan.

I had selected music to play on my computer and said a few words about my dear Joanie.

About 2 dozen were in attendance, including the following relatives and friends: Me and my son, Tom Watts; Sister-in-Law Kathy Casey & and her friend Karen Sharman; Cousin Barbara Hollander & her husband Ted; Cousin Bob Casey & his wife Kathy; Cousin Brian McCormick & his wife Lynn; Ethel Bridbury, friend of Sister-in-Law Kathy Casey; Catriona Borlan, friend of Sister-in-Law Kathy Casey; Cousin Eileen Morison; Cousin Kathleen Wallace; Cousin John Wallace & wife Carolyn.

There were 2 nice pictures of Joan displayed, 4 Flower arrangements, and 3 artifacts I wanted interred with Joan's cremains; a Necklace made by her Teacher, which she wore as she passed away, a Tele with relic she often wore, and a piece of GIDDY's [her favorite Cat] - collar. 

Printed Prayer Cards were also available. Those attending were invited to take a red rose in remembrance of Joan.

Afterward, the group was invited back to Kathy Casey's home -1 block from where Joan grew up - for a reception and viewing of Joan's Wedding DVD. Later, a smaller group met for dinner at Rory Dolan's, a local Irish Restaurant & Bar.

The following day, Sunday May 15, Kathy took us to Gate of Heaven Cemetery in Valhalla, NY, where we viewed where Joan's final resting place the Casey Burial Plot, where her name will be added. Now, on to the next Memorial - at the Sausalito Presbyterian Church - on Saturday May 21 at 1 PM. All are invited...

Tom, John & Kathy @ Casey Headstone

Joan Casey Update #19: Rarest of the Rare!

Dancing in Arizona

All Rainbow Bodies Are Welcome to Our Home

During our early relationship, I found myself at a career crossroads, having to seek help from a professional Career Councilor in an effort to seek a new job.
This was the first time anything like this had happened to me, but I determined it was needed.
The guy was quite helpful and proved a relief from the do-it-yourself approach of using the book ‘What Color is Your Parachute’.

As part of the counseling, a Myers-Briggs Personality Type test was given, and because Joan & I were a couple, we both took the test, individually.
The results were interesting to say the least; showing that we were very similar, sharing the indicators N (intuitive), F (feeling) and J (judgmental).
Only the first indicator showed a difference; Joan was an Introvert and I was an Extrovert.
Go figure!
Joan was about as outgoing a person as I have met, while I an somewhat reserved most of the time.

But the difference between an I and a E can be big, I’s represent about 25% of those tested, while E’s account for 75%. The types just view things from a different perspective, both necessary and important. 

Joan reacted to these findings with joy and amazement, because she found answers to questions about herself that she had often wondered about.
The MBPT test revealed to her things that explained why she had always felt a little different from most people, almost a misfit at times.
At last, she felt satisfied with this explanation.
After all the years when she worried, now she didn’t have to.
What a relief that was to her!
She actually became proud of her uniqueness, literally as the rarest of the rare Personality Type; only 1% of those tested were INFJ’s.

As it turned out, my type -ENFJ- is the second most rare, at about 4%. Together, we made a rare couple, that shared rarities!

This was a memory that we never forgot, because it helped both of us better understand ourselves. 

Green Tara Thanka
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