Now, 4 days before what could have Joan's 75th birthday and just over 7years since she passed, Joan remains a wonderful part of every day for me, as I remember her presence continuously in my consciousness...
After reflection upon my 32+ year relationship with Joan, the following recollections apply:1. Joan always loved an active life, which was by her definition, never dull. When it began to get dull, she would do something to change it! [THAT'S HER OWN STATEMENT]
2. She had many interests, friends and circles which she kept up with; diversity had its appeal - within certain limits of propriety, political perspective and, of course, relevance to her goals in life.
3. Joan was a high energy person, even when physical demands exceeded her comfort zone. She liked to stretch herself to achieve, as long as she felt a safety net nearby, because she was careful and aware of her real or self-imposed limitations.
4. Joan loved having fun, and seemed always willing to engage in planning or having a fun adventure. Usually, this involved something cultural, political, natural or culinary. And in Nature...
5. As much as Joan liked her independence and freedom, she always preferred to have a warm nest to return to as her base of operations and loving support. I was more than willing to accept that role, especially when it came to Buddhist events, birding and opera/concerts.
6. I was greatly attracted to Joan's zest for life, adventurous attitude and energetic pursuit of interests.
Thus, I was very willing to have her 'do her thing' - with or without me along. I had unshakeable trust in her ability to fend for herself, despite knowing she might require reassurance at times. Often, I shared these adventures, enjoyed them and was thankful for her encouragement.
7. Joan loved to learn, but liked doing so in a relaxed fashion, without requirement of tests, deadlines or much formal homework. She audited classes, even her Buddhist studies with her teacher and sangha, thereby acquiring much absorbed wisdom, upon which she pondered and meditated. She read extensively everything that interested her.
8. I liked just being around Joan since her persona was so magnetic, real and inviting. I will never forget that attraction and the rewards it produced. I loved it, and still love the memory of it!
9. Joan and I were one of a kind in many respects. We both loved the outdoors, activity, shared similar views on many subjects, valued important principles, liked humor, food and friendships.
10. Trust was important to Joan and me. Early on, I trusted Joan because she was so real, and seemed incapable of deception. She needed longer to evaluate me, especially when it came to making a long-term commitment to our relationship. Joan had experienced disappointments earlier in life, which she needed to process thoroughly. After 5-6 years of living together, Joan's doubts were alleviated and she happily agreed to our marriage prior to my accepting a new job in Bellingham, WA, a place neither of us had lived before.
11. I had never witnessed the type of sustained joy that Joan exhibited on our wedding day! She was simply radiant, smiling incessantly until her cheeks must have ached! That kind of happiness cannot be anything but real! It seemed like we married the whole church!
The best part is that same happiness continued until Joan passed away, 16+ years later. What a terrific marriage we've had! The memory of it will last forever...
12. Joan Casey, Missus Joan, is as immortal in my mind as the soloist at our wedding sang -'even death won't part us now'. Her smile at that moment sustains me in my grief for her passing; truly death has not parted us in any way except physically! I will love Joan and her spirit forever! She had already taken that 'to the bank', as exhibited by the penetrating look of love in her eyes, while I promised to be her faithful husband!
13. Together, we could be a dynamite couple, each complimenting the other's personality. Highly compatible personalities were part our secret; she an INFJ, me an ENFJ. I always felt proud to take Joan anywhere because she was such a class act and enjoyable companion. As the Irish say 'she cleaned up well'. She felt the same way about me, at least most of the time.
14. A final thought. As much as I miss Joan being around, I can't imagine me just grieving in a corner! She would not have liked that at all! Instead, it is easy for me to remember our many 'moments' together, they were so precious. Those memories are what help sustain me now. Just the thought that Joan truly loved me makes my whole life seem so blessed! How many are blessed with a love like that? I will always feel so grateful for having Joan in my life; she was more than a companion or wife, she was a lasting inspiration!
15. I once called Joan a 'sassy, lassie Miss Cassie', which seemed to fit her well.
